‘Hawaii’
Season 1, Episode 23 - Aired May 12, 2010
Jay doesn't feel like relaxing on vacation after a phone call from his brother. Phil tries to make up for their lack of a honeymoon by sending the kids away. Meanwhile, Mitchell and Cameron disagree over how to spend their time on vacation.
Quote from Jay
Jay: Come on, sleepy!
Gloria: Ay, Jay!
Jay: Come on, honey! Get out of bed! I just booked us on an outrigger.
Gloria: But it is your birthday. You don't want to sleep in? Come here.
Jay: No, no, I just came from the gym. Guess how much I benched.
Gloria: I don't know. 500 pounds?
Jay: 500 pounds? What am I, a forklift?
Quote from Luke
Luke: Manny is the worst roommate ever. Everything he finds, he folds.
Claire: Sweetie, it's only for a few more days.
Luke: Last night we had a fire drill. Not the hotel. Just us.
Quote from Mitchell
Cameron: How was it?
Mitchell: Ah! Cameron, it was the most incredible thing I've ever seen in my entire life. You know who else was there?
Cameron: Really? Who?
Mitchell: Elton John.
Cameron: No.
Mitchell: Yes, and he was so blown away by the beauty of it, he sat down at their lavender piano and played "Tiny Dancer." And we bonded, because he too likes adventure.
Cameron: Did that really happen?
Mitchell: No, that didn't really happen. I'm just trying to get back at you for bailing on me.
Quote from Luke
Manny: You know what? Out! I want you out! This isn't working! I don't care where you go, as long as you don't stay here!
Luke: What are you saying?
Manny: What don't you understand about "out"?
Luke: Fine. I'll just move in with my sisters.
Manny: Ooh, hoo! Oh, no! Who will pee all over the bathroom floor?
Luke: I was brushing my teeth at the same time. You try to do that.
Quote from Mitchell
Mitchell: Why did you dress her in jungle prints?
Cameron: Because I thought it would be cute!
Mitchell: She's gonna think she's back in Vietnam.
Cameron: Lily! Lily, honey!
Quote from Phil
Phil: By the way, I just want to thank you for this trip. It's really been a vacation of a lifetime. [to passersby] Nothing weird! Aloha. [to Jay] I keep my wallet in my front pocket, so that's- that's what that is.
Quote from Phil
Phil: [aside to camera] The rest of the trip went better. Haley's room stopped spinning. Jay got back to the vacation he always wanted. And Mitch and Cam managed to do some sightseeing at a working banana plantation- Where they promptly lost Lily again. Me and Claire, we- we had a great time. But we never did get that honeymoon.
Quote from Jay
Cameron: Aloha, Lily.
Mitchell: Aloha. Oh, wait. Let's do it one more time. The doggy was blocking her face.
Cameron: Yeah, go back.
Jay: No. No! No. We're not doing it a third time.
Quote from Claire
Phil: Oh! Hold on, my bride. Allow me! [grunts]
Claire: What are you doing?
Phil: Being romantic. God, you're solid.
Claire: Sweetie, put me down. Go on.
Phil: Okay. Honey, come on. Let's turn this vacation into a honeymoon.
Claire: Sweet pea, I'm a mom traveling with my kids. For me, this is not a vacation. It's a business trip.
Quote from Manny
Greeter: Aloha! Hi! Welcome to the Four Seasons Maui.
Gloria: What do you think, Manny?
Manny: I'm home.