Gloria: Come on, kids, come on. Give it up! Give it up! He tried. I think we all know what you were going for, Phil. But I'm lookin' out here, and I'm seeing some hungry kids. Am I right? That's why I brought plenty of Gil pickles! Who wants a Gil pickle? Come on. Let me see 'em. All right. Come on. Grab one.

Gloria: I wanna thank you kids for having me here today. And remember the three rules of real estate: Thorpe, Thorpe, Thorpe!

Claire: Um, stay-at-home mom. Uh, what that means is I actually have a whole bunch of different jobs. I am a chauffeur, a chef, uh, a house manager, a nurse.
Maureen: Is it what you always wanted to do?
Claire: No. Not exactly. Uh, I went to college, uh, to study marketing and worked at one of those big hotel companies. But when my kids came along, I just wanted to be there. You know, wipe their noses and change their diapers and tuck 'em in at night.
Luke: Mom! For the record, I do all my own wiping.

Maureen: So why haven't you gone back to work?
Claire: I've done a few things lately. I just redid a house, and I ran for city council last year.
Maureen: You're on the City Council?
Claire: No. I-I didn't win.
Maureen: You lost?
Claire: That's what "didn't win" means. I I thought I would be going back to work when the kids got older, but it- It's not as easy as you might think. You know, people aren't exactly lining up to hire a woman who's almost 40 and has been out of the job market for 15 years.
Luke: I thought you were 42.
Claire: That's almost 40, Luke.
Maureen: My mom went back to work when I was 4.
Claire: Oh, so there was no one at home to teach you not to interrupt?

Gil Thorpe: Okay. Hey, hey, hey! Let me tell you something. Stay-at-home moms are heroes.
Claire: Yeah.
Gil Thorpe: They're the backbone of this country.
Claire: Thanks, Gil.
Gil Thorpe: I mean, if I had to do that job, I'd probably drink myself to death, honestly.

Gil Thorpe: All right, let's give her a round of applause, everybody. Come on. Oh, come on, you can do better than that. Let me hear ya! All right! All right! All right, class dismissed. Get out of here!
Teacher: No! No, no, no. We have guys, we have three more hours.

Gloria: Here.
Jay: My old typewriter.
Gloria: You said you want to write. Write.
Jay: Now? I've got a busy day.
Gloria: I already called your office and told them that you can't come in to walk around for 20 minutes saying to everyone, "What's up, sport?"

Jay: I know this is your subtle little way of saying you don't think I can do it.
Gloria: No. It's life getting out of the way.
Jay: Fine. I'm gonna take you up on your little challenge, but you should know this- This behavior of yours is not gonna fly when you lose your looks.
Gloria: Mm! You're gonna be long gone by then.

Mitchell: Uh, well, it sounds like she's really in a jam. And I think we're gonna have to give the tooth fairy her $100 back.
Lily: No! I wanna keep it.
Mitchell: I'm scared that she's gonna be the one taking care of us when we're older.

Jay: Enough chitchat. I've gotta get a character out of a bind.
Manny: Ooh. What did he do?
Jay: He told his wife he could write a book.
Manny: Don't give up, Jay. Self-doubt is part of the process. You can't be a good writer without being critical of your own work. [reading Jay's work] ... Huh.
Jay: What?
Manny: I'm racking my brain for a compliment here.