‘Brushes with Celebrity’
Season 9, Episode 8 - Aired November 29, 2017
The family recount their encounters with celebrities: Phil keels over in agony as he shows a house to his musical hero, Chris Martin of Coldplay; Jay's aversion to public service disappears when football legend Terry Bradshaw is selected for the jury; Gloria is angry after Manny's favorite playwright insults him; and Mitchell and Cameron run into the host of a garden renovation program at the garden center.
Quote from Mitchell
Scott Hunter: Look, uh... The network fired me
Mitchell: Why?
Scott Hunter: When they found out that I had this website where people paid to watch me build stuff naked.
Mitchell: Is that so?
Cameron: How naked?
Scott Hunter: Very.
Quote from Mitchell
Mitchell: You know what, why are you hanging out in the aisles of a home store?
Scott Hunter: I work here.
Mitchell: Ohh.
Cameron: You do.
Scott Hunter: Yeah.
Mitchell: Hey, if you did still have a show, um would you pick us?
Scott Hunter: Umm...
Both: It costs you nothing to say "yes."
Quote from Gloria
Manny: I begged you not to go over there. I'm so embarrassed.
Gloria: Why? He's the one crying. My favorite part was when he was gasping for air between sobs, like a baby.
Manny: Look at him. He's broken. What if he never writes again?
Gloria: Okay, I'll apologize to the 12 people who still go out and watch plays.
Manny: You do know I'm a theater major, right?
Gloria: Yes, and when you're a great play writer and you go to a restaurant if you can afford it then you're gonna be nice to strangers, because that's the right thing to do, okay?
Quote from Gloria
Billy Crystal: Excuse me. I don't mean to interrupt. But I saw what happened before, and I'm sorry about that. But the way you stood up to that jerk Anvilmaker was kind of amazing, yeah. Good for you. And young man, listen if this makes you feel any better, he did the same thing to me.
Gloria: Oh. That's very nice of you to say. Thank you so much.
Billy Crystal: So... You know, I, uh I write.
Manny: Oh, boy.
Billy Crystal: No, it's not like I'm just some, you know, some... Excuse me. Some, you know, just some city slicker who who doesn't know what he's talking about. But, uh, if I could teach you one thing, just one thing that you learn from this, it'll make your plays sound and look marvelous. You know? So, the most important thing is to is to know that writing is really re-writing. You may want to jot that down. Uh. And then change it. [chuckles] Did you see what I did there?
Gloria: You know what? We really need to be somewhere right now.
Manny: Yeah, we better go.
Billy Crystal: Okay. Yeah. All right.
Gloria: Okay, thank you. [to Sam Anvilmaker] I'm sorry, we didn't realize we were so annoying. Our bad.
Billy Crystal: Have fun storming the castle! Nothing. I'm gonna shave.
Quote from Phil
Chris Martin: [playing guitar and singing] Come feel the thrill, thrill, thrill Of Phil, Phil, Phil The thrill, thrill, thrill [monitor flatlines] The thrill of Phil [monitor flatlines] Could you turn that down, please?