Chris Martin: I love your flower jeans. Where did you get those?
Phil: They're from a store.
Chris Martin: Well, they're very me. They're very me. Do you remember the name of the store?
Phil: Actually, I embroidered them myself.
Chris Martin: Impressive. When you're ready for it, you get a T-shirt, you put it on top of a long-sleeve, then it lets everybody know you own multiple shirts.
Phil: Impressive.

Phil: [in a British accent] So, mate, shall we have a trod-a-bout? I'm flattered.
Chris Martin: I'd rather just keep it professional, have a walk around.
Phil: [normal voice] Oh, that's not what- Oh! I meant

Jay: [aside to camera] Terry was just sitting there by himself because everybody's always afraid to talk to the prettiest girl, except this guy. It's all about confidence.
[flashback:]
Jay: [high-pitched] Excuse me, Mr- [clears throat] Excuse me, Mr. Bradshaw. Jay Pritchett, juror number 3.
Terry Bradshaw: Terry. Call me Terry.

Gloria: Nobody speaks to my son like that.
Manny: No, no, Mom, Mom, Mom. Please don't get up and make a scene and embarrass me more. I'm begging you.
Gloria: Okay, but you don't have to block me in. I am not crazy. I am not the hot-headed Latina that you all make me out to be.
Manny: You sent a cow heart to a children's soccer referee.
Gloria: Manny, what else was I supposed to do?

Manny: Look, what happened was a good thing. He was teaching me the focus required to live the life of an artist, and that is a very valuable lesson that I'll cherish forever.
Gloria: Okay, Papi, if you're happy, then I'm happy. Why don't you pick your dessert?
Manny: Hmm. [peruses menu] I wouldn't say no to an almond cookie and an espresso and... You're gone, aren't you?

Cameron: Okay, you're you're not actually putting a reclaimed wood piece in our cart, are you?
Mitchell: That's great, that's great.
Cameron: No. The whole "reclaimed wood" aesthetic is an insulting appropriation of barn culture. No, I'm being serious. It's like when Madonna wore overalls!
Mitchell: You're good.
Cameron: Mitchell, take it out I don't want it.
Mitchell: I think it's pretty.
Cameron: I think it's pretty offensive.
Mitchell: Okay, rein it in.
Cameron: Oh, there she is, Mother Superior.
Mitchell: Okay, Rumple-thinskin.

Cameron: Okay, you know what? I don't need this. I'm just gonna go wait in the car.
Mitchell: Perfect, yeah, run away.
Cameron: And just FYI the reason I like barn wood is cause it reminds me of you.
Mitchell: Really?
Cameron: Yeah.
Mitchell: I mean I-I know that you get homesick sometimes, and I-I want to bring a little, you know, country into our house.

Phil: And last, but not least, the city at your feet.
Chris Martin: Yeah. I'm still kind of flabbergasted that there's no bubble machine. It's okay. I can install my own.
Phil: [grunts]
Chris Martin: Oh, you're judging me?
Phil: No, no. [sighs]
Chris Martin: Maybe you're right. Maybe I am losing touch with who I am. All I really need is three chords and a mattress. And my chef.

Phil: [groans]
Chris Martin: Uh, hey, Phil, what's happening here?
Phil: Oh, not too much. [groans]
Chris Martin: Phil? Oh, my God, you've gone all yellow.
Phil: [laughs] That's like your song. Funny thing I also like to write mu... [passes out]
Chris Martin: Phil?

Phil: What happened?
Doctor: Mr. Dunphy, you have acute orchitis. It's a massively inflamed testicle. I'm giving you an I.V. bag of antibiotics and some pain meds because [whisltes] Oh, boy.
Phil: So embarrassed. I can't believe I passed out in front of a rock star.
Chris Martin: Please tell me he didn't know why. Oh, brilliant, you're awake. I've got some ice for your biscuits.
Phil: No. No, no, no, no, no! Oh! Oh, that really... Oh, that feels so good.