‘Bad Hair Day’
Season 4, Episode 16 - Aired February 20, 2013
Claire is secretly happy when Phil is unable to join her at her college reunion. As Jay focuses on winning a bowling tournament against his closet competition, Gloria is running ragged as a the mother of a newborn, desperate to keep up the "I don't know how she does it" mystique. When Mitchell offers to babysit Joe, Cameron sees an photo opportunity.
Quote from Claire
Claire: Oh, my God. Is that Janie Gibbs?
Esther: Yikes. Her skin looks like crumpled tinfoil you try to smooth out and use again.
Claire: Remind me not to get old in front of you.
Quote from Claire
Esther: [gasps] Professor Cooke. Still the sexiest man on campus.
Claire: Wanna know a little somethin'?
Esther: You dated him.
Claire: How did you know that? We were so careful with that secret.
Esther: You wore an oversized tweed jacket to breakfast and called my rabbit convertible "Bourgeois."
Claire: Well, it kinda was.
Quote from Claire
Phil: Is something wrong?
Claire: It's just- It's a little bit embarrassing. The guy that I dated right before you is here, so...
Phil: Oh. Well, that's nothing to be embarrassed about. We all have exes. So the guy you dumped right before you met me is here. No big deal.
Claire: [high-pitched] Well... He might've dumped me.
Phil: I thought you said you'd never been dumped.
Claire: [high-pitched] Well... Maybe one time.
Phil: So he dumped you, you healed completely, and then you met me.
Claire: [high-pitched] Well...
Quote from Cameron
Cameron: Close the door. You're letting the steam out!
Mitchell: Is the wig coming loose?
Cameron: Oh, yes, Mitchell. It's completely off his head. We're just staying in here because there's nothing babies and big guys love more than 100% humidity.
Quote from Mitchell
Mitchell: Oh, my God. Do you realize what Gloria's gonna do when she sees this? She punched me when I got Manny that henna tattoo. And not the side-of-the-hand way that I do it. This had rings and knuckles.
Quote from Claire
Professor Cooke: Yes! I mean, that's the great part of my schedule. We make it to Europe almost every summer. But I'm sure you guys travel.
Claire: Well, honestly, I don't think I've been anywhere without a water slide in 15 years.
Quote from Phil
Phil: That's funny. She's mentioned Esther, Dougie, Tripp, Afro Judy. The name "Tater" has literally never even come up once in the last 20 years.
Tater: Oh, I don't know why I'm surprised. I was madly in love with her for four years and I was basically invisible until the day I choked on that tater tot.
Phil: Wait. Uh, I-I thought you were her ex.
Tater: I wish.
Quote from Claire
Phil: Wait. Before we go, are there any more exes I should know about?
Claire: Honey, what do you think I was like?
Dean Stoller: Hey, Claire Pritchett!
Claire: Hey, Dean Stoller! [to Phil] Super quick story.
Quote from Jay
Jay: Gloria! Forgot about that baby and check out this one!
Gloria: You beat Closets, Closets, Closets, Closets, Closets?!
Jay: We destroyed them! And it's Closets, Closets, Closets, Closets.
Gloria: What did I say?
Jay: We went through this for a half-hour yesterday. I can't do it again.
Quote from Manny
Cameron: Oh, hey, Manny. Glad I ran into you. Listen, I'm gonna give you the solo.
Manny: Really? You must've heard what happened to me today. I feel confident now and I know I can do-
Cameron: Yeah, I don't care about, any of that stuff. I just need you to tell you mom that you gave your brother Joe a haircut, okay?
Manny: No problem. How bad could it be? Agh!