Mitchell: What are you doing? I just packed those.
Cameron: Oh, she just looks so cute in this outfit. I want her looking her best for Jasper.
Mitchell: Nothing you just said made any sense to me.
Cameron: Jasper and his mother are coming over for a playdate. We scheduled it weeks ago.
Mitchell: We're about to leave for the airport.
Cameron: Not for an hour. And this is the only time Jasper could do it.
Mitchell: How full is Jasper's calendar?
Cameron: This is a coup. When you get in with Jasper, doors open. He's a legacy at Happy Time Preschool.
Mitchell: We're kissing up to a 10-month-old?

Cameron: I just want him to like us. [doorbell rings] Okay, that's them.
Mitchell: But just in and out. We still have a million things to do.
Cameron: Would you relax? You always worry. It always gets done. Oh, and we're Methodists, so...

Haley: Hey, check out that cute guy.
Alex: He's out of your league. He's reading a book.
Haley: I know.

Phil: Slow is smooth, and smooth is fast. Slow is smooth, and smooth is fast.

Jay: Just why are you wearing the hiking shoes?
Gloria: Surprise!
Jay: What, again?
Gloria: Every morning the whole family's gonna go hiking. Then at the end of the week, we all gonna make it to the top of the volcano.
Jay: Every morning, huh?
Gloria: Yes. When Cam suggested it, I knew you were gonna love it.
Jay: Oh, so this was your idea?
Cameron: Happy birthday, Jay.
Jay: Ah, thanks, buddy. [kicks Cam's feet]

Luke: Look, Mom, I'm pregnant.
Claire: Yeah. You still gotta take your Dramamine.
Cameron: Oh, does somebody get a little motion sickness?
Luke: Yeah, I throw up all the time.

Mitchell: I-Is this the best way to go? What about the freeway?
Phil: Relax, punkin. I got this. It's all about knowing the route. You're talking to a guy who made his way through college by driving a pedicab. You know what one of those is?
Mitchell: Yes. Yes. I just saw one pass us.

Manny: Guess where the world's largest wind generator is.
Jay: Is it right behind me?
Manny: Nope. It's on the island of Oahu. I'm thinking about using it in my song about Hawaii.
Jay: What song?
Manny: Didn't Mom tell you?
Gloria: Surprise! The whole family's putting on a show for you for your birthday. Everybody's performing. Even Phil brought his dummy. Isn't that great? Jay?
Jay: Oh, I'm sorry. I was just thinking how tragic it would be if I fell into that volcano.

Haley: Dylan! What are you doing here?
Dylan: I was gonna go, but then you fell asleep, and since you're leaving for a week, I want to stare at you as long as I could.
Haley: You have to go. My parents are gonna think we did it.
Dylan: [scoffs] As if.
Haley: Get out of the house and make sure that nobody sees you.
Dylan: I'II miss you. When you're gone, it's like I'm this prisoner trapped in a cell of loneliness.
Haley: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's beautiful, but you have to go.

Mitchell: You're sure I'm not too heavy?
Phil: Please, you weigh less than my paintball gear.