Mitchell: What are you doing?
Phil: Just making it a little tougher on the next guy. You got to get up pretty early- Son of a- [trips]
Mitchell: Are you all right?
Phil: Yes, I am. Just, uh, almost killed myself on your fire truck.
Mitchell: That's not ours. That's Jasper's.
Phil: You know Jasper? I sold a house to his parents. How did you ever get a playdate with him?
Mitchell: Let's go!

Haley: Look at him. He's sketching. He's like Leonardo DiCaprio in Titanic. I bet he goes to art school.
Alex: Do you think he's sketching us?
Haley: Yeah. "Us."

Haley: [phone beeps] Ugh! It's Dylan. "I'm trapped." Yeah, yeah, yeah. What a drama queen.

Jay: You make it a double? I'm traveling with my family.
Bartender: No problem.

Phil: Must be a lot easier just living with a guy. Yeah, life would be simpler if I was gay.
Mitchell: Do you think you could get in the fast lane?
Phil: Oh, I could totally get in the fast lane.
Mitchell: I mean the road.

Phil: Oh, I'm getting a text. What does it say?
Mitchell: Um- Oh, G- Well, it's nothing. It's the alarm company. It says your house was broken into.
Phil: What?
Mitchell: It's nothing. They'll take care of it. Just drive!
Phil: What happened?

Cameron: Okay, fun airport game. You pick out a traveler, you come up with their entire story. Okay. This guy, his name's Henry. He's on his way to Phoenix to visit his grandmother, whose name is, uh- Oh! Pass. Too hard. Your turn.
Claire: Okay. Fine. I see a woman, uh, wracked with fear, whose husband has abandoned her.
Cameron: Where? Where? Who is she?
Claire: Me. I made it perfectly clear to Phil that I needed him here.

Cameron: [to Claire] Oh, it's going around. Mitchell's mad at me too. Mitchell's mad at me too. He thinks because I didn't help him pack this morning, he forgot his wallet.
[cut to Phil's car:]
Mitchell: I'm-I'm sorry. I'm sorry to be snippy. It's just I'm a little upset with Cam. I needed his help this morning, and he let me down.
Phil: That doesn't sound like him. You asked him to do something and he didn't do it?
[airport:]
Cameron: But he never asked! I mean, all he said was, "Lily's bag needs to be packed and the newspaper needs to be canceled."
Claire: That sounds to me like he was asking for help.
[car:]
Phil: Sounds to me like you expected him to read your mind.
[airport:]
Cameron: What am I, a psychic?
Claire: No! It's not about reading minds. It's about knowing what your partner needs.
[car:]
Phil: Here's an idea: Just say "help me." You don't even have to say "me," just "help." Then he'll know exactly what you want. You won't have to get all mad.
Mitchell: I'm not mad. It's just- You wanna believe you're on the same wavelength as someone, and then it's just- it's a little disheartening when you find out you're not. That's all.
[airport:]
Cameron: What's frustrating is I would do anything for Mitchell, and-and frankly, it's a little hurtful that he doesn't know that.

Jay: What you drinking?
Claire: Dad. Hey. Mostly tonic actually, thanks to my new sponsor here.

Claire: I'm a little jittery about flying.
Jay: What are you talking about? You fly all the time.
Claire: Yeah, I know. This started just in the last couple years. I think I'm just- I'm nervous 'cause I've got so much to lose now, you know? What about you?
Jay: I'm taking a break from my vacation.
Claire: We haven't even started yet.
Jay: Well, I gotta figure, I might not have a lot of time for myself, you know, what with the luaus, the hiking, the talent shows.
Claire: Are you not happy that we're coming with you?
Jay: It's just not what I expected.
Claire: But, Dad, doesn't it feel good to know that your whole family is willing to drop everything to be with you, to fly across the ocean in a steel coffin? I'm gonna finish that.