Claire: [hugging Luke and sniffing his hair] Mmm. I will never get tired of this.
Luke: Me neither. You know what would be cool, Mom?
Claire: What's that?
Luke: If the plane flew into a storm and crash-landed onto an island like in Lost.

Haley: So, airports, huh?
Jeff: Yeah.
Haley: Are you drawing something there?
Jeff: Yeah. It's no good.
Haley: Tortured artist. Classic.
Jeff: Oh, yeah. It's a robot.
Haley: Oh, yeah. Sure is. What's behind him?
Jeff: A dinosaur. It's for school. We're supposed to make a comic strip.
Haley: We had to do that too, back in the eighth...
[aside to camera:]
Alex: He was 14 years old.
Haley: Shut up.
Alex: "He's my soul mate." [laughing, falls off the couch]

Jay: It's not you guys. I love the family. It just kinda feels like Gloria's going out of her way not to spend time with me.
Claire: You don't believe that, do you? Oh, come on, Dad! That is so crazy and so adorable. That woman loves you.
Jay: Well, I didn't say I wasn't lovable.
Claire: It's not every wife that would spend the money to fly a family to Hawaii.
Jay: Okay. Where does everybody think Gloria's money comes from?

TSA Agent: So, what kind of business did you have in Japan?
Manny: I've never been to Japan.
TSA Agent: You didn't go to Osaka November 2003 to attend an electronics trade show?
Manny: I was four.

Gloria: Enough. Why don't you question the other people on the gate, huh? Did you see the old lady with the cane? What if she has a ceramic knife in there that can go through the metal detector? And yet you waste your time harassing a little kid.
TSA Agent: Ma'am, you seem to know an awful lot about sneaking contraband on to a plane.
Gloria: Yeah, I'm Colombian.
TSA Agent: Have you ever been to Japan?
Gloria: I would like to make a phone call.

Jay: Oh, I forgot to ask- Did it hurt?
Gloria: What hurt?
Jay: When you fell from heaven and landed on earth.
Gloria: I didn't fall from- Ah. [laughing] Because I'm an angel. Why are you so sweet?
Jay: Maybe just 'cause I'm so damn happy.

Gloria: The whole family's coming with us!
Jay: They are?
Gloria: Uh-huh. Yes, and Mitch and Cameron and Lily too. Yeah, and Phil- he's just checking the bags.
Jay: Wow! That's, uh- Wow.
Claire: It was all Gloria's idea. She bought all of our tickets and everything.
Jay: Really? Everyone's?
Gloria: Yeah. It's your birthday. I didn't spare any expense.
Jay: Oh, gee! Thank you, honey. Are they, uh, all gonna be up with us in first class?
Gloria: Ay, no, silly. Coach. You think I'm made of money?
Jay: Of course not.

Gloria: We're gonna go to a luau, swim with the Miami Dolphins, take a tour in one of those, the- [imitating rotor blades]
Jay: Helicopter. Helicopter.
Gloria: Mm-hmm.

Phil: Thanks, Daryl. I know I got a lot of baggage, but don't worry, I'm seeing a therapist. Just kidding. I'm fine.

Phil: You guys excited about the trip?
Cameron: Oh, we're so excited. You know, this is my first time.
Phil: Really?
Cameron: Yeah, I know it's surprising. People always say I scream "Hawaii."
Mitchell: Who says that?
Cameron: People.
Mitchell: What people?
Cameron: You don't know them.