‘A Tale of Three Cities’
Season 8, Episode 1 - Aired September 21, 2016
After a week in New York City, Claire and Phil tell the kids they're leaving on a road trip for the Caroline Closet Caucus. The kids decide to stay in New York another night, unaware their parents are doing the exact same thing. Mitchell gives Cameron's family the impression he's insensitive as everyone gathers around Grams' deathbed in Missouri. Jay, Gloria, Manny and Joe's time in Juarez, Mexico comes to an end when Gloria's sister, Sonia, turns up. The families all head home to spend Father's Day at Jay's.
Quote from Jay
Gloria: She wants my hot-sauce business in exchange for Manny.
Jay: Good! Then she owes us 400 bucks. We get the kid back.
Gloria: No deal. [stomps] I'll handle it. My sister, my problem.
Jay: My holiday!
Quote from Phil
Haley: Oh, how was the drive?!
Phil: Oh, it was great.
Claire: Yeah.
Haley: Yeah?
Phil: We would have been here a lot earlier, but there was a ton of traffic on... A-America.
Quote from Claire
Mitchell: So, Cam totally took his family's side when they all turned against me.
Claire: Well, that's just a reflex. You always take your family's side.
Mitchell: Oh, come on. Where is that written?
Claire: Remember when you first brought Cam home and I privately said to you, "You might want to move on from this one," and Dad said, "I thought you liked men"? And then when Cam thought he was picking up on us not liking him, you told Cam he was crazy.
Mitchell: I guess I did do that, huh?
Claire: Yeah.
Mitchell: God, you and Dad are mean.
Claire: Aww. Says the murderer.
Quote from Gloria
Gloria: Why would I make an exchange? We have all the leverage.
Jay: She has your son.
Gloria: What is she gonna do? Raise Manny? Don't worry. He's going to be fine.
Quote from Cameron
Cameron: Surprise! Happy Father's Day!
Mitchell: Wait. You guys flew in?
Cameron: Yeah, I just wanted us to all be together today.
Mitchell: Aww!
Cameron: In spite of your thoughtlessness and insensitivity.
Mitchell: Okay, those mean the same thing, but okay.
Quote from Mitchell
Mitchell: Look, I just want you to know I understand why you took your family's side. And I am sorry I put you in that position.
Cameron: Oh, I appreciate that, Mitchell.
Claire: [smiling] I'm so sorry for your loss.
Lily: Can I get our gifts out of the car? Grams left us all something in her will. Even you.
Mitchell: She left me something!
Cameron: Aww. Even though you're stubborn and pigheaded.
Mitchell: Okay, again...
Quote from Sonia
Gloria: Oh Manny's here.
Sonia: I had to bring him back. He was driving me crazy with his googly eyes.
Manny: My eyes are but lifeless orbs compared to-
Sonia: Yeah, go get me a beer.
Quote from Sonia
Gloria: How dare you take my son.
Sonia: How dare you take my business model.
Quote from Gloria
Jay: Guys, we have a party going on. Let's take it over here. Now, Gloria, you have admitted yourself that you have a history of stealing things from this one here.
Gloria: Oh, here we go. Sonia's perfect, and Gloria can't do anything right! You sound just like my father!
Jay: Hold on. Are you saying that all this is about some weird competition over your father?
Sonia: This is why you sabotage my whole life? Because Papa loved me more?
Jay: Don't love that.
Gloria: Oh, my God. I guess so.
Sonia: I can't believe it. You are jealous of me.
Gloria: Just in that one area. But I shouldn't treat you badly because Papa choose you.
Sonia: It must have been hard for a little girl. When you lose a love like that at such a young age, you spend the rest of your life trying to replace it.
Jay: Okay.
Quote from Sonia
Gloria: Listen, if you want the hot-sauce business, take it. It's yours.
Sonia: No, no. Your jealousy is all I need.
Gloria: I want to give you something that is very precious to me.
Sonia: Not Manny.