‘A Tale of Three Cities’
Season 8, Episode 1 - Aired September 21, 2016
After a week in New York City, Claire and Phil tell the kids they're leaving on a road trip for the Caroline Closet Caucus. The kids decide to stay in New York another night, unaware their parents are doing the exact same thing. Mitchell gives Cameron's family the impression he's insensitive as everyone gathers around Grams' deathbed in Missouri. Jay, Gloria, Manny and Joe's time in Juarez, Mexico comes to an end when Gloria's sister, Sonia, turns up. The families all head home to spend Father's Day at Jay's.
Quote from Lily
Cameron: Oh! Lily, we were gonna open Grams' gifts together!
Lily: I couldn't wait. Grams left you a watch.
Cameron: Oh!
Lily: The note says, "Your grandpa tore it right off of a dead kraut's wrist."
Cameron: Oh, that's so sweet!
Lily: And I got these. "Enjoy all my old lipstick, you big sissy." Why did she call me a sissy?
Quote from Cameron
Mitchell: "When Cam first brought you here, I thought I'd never get used to you. I was raised to hate your kind. But seeing how happy you make my grandson, I couldn't help but come to care for you." Cam. I was wrong about her.
Cameron: Yes. You were. Now, let's put this someplace safe.
Mitchell: No, no, wait. There's more. There's more. "Who else but you should inherit my beloved Oriental fan? I hope it don't make you homesick."
Lily: She said I was gonna get that fan.
Cameron: Well, you know, she did get very stupid near the end.
Quote from Lily
Cameron: Okay, well, gift time seems to be over.
Mitchell: Okay, Cam. This is Lily's gift, isn't it?
Cameron: No.
Lily: Oh! So you're the big sissy! Here. Her lipsticks!
Cameron: Oh. I suppose you're gonna read into this too.
Quote from Phil
Claire: Wow, those sausages smell fantastic! You all right, Dad?
Jay: Yeah, I guess I could say a few words. I appreciate you guys honoring me on this great holiday. But I'm not the only dad here. You three lucked out a little bit in that department, right?
Luke: We sure did.
Haley: Eh.
Alex: Well.
Phil: Best job I ever had. Raising two dynamite ladies and [voice breaking] the best buddy a guy could ever ask for.
Quote from Claire
Luke: We stayed in New York for five more days. And I saw David Blaine in jello, and I've been dying to tell you, but they wouldn't let me!
Haley: You're a disgrace.
Phil: Oh, my God! Your mother and I-
Claire: Are furious! Furious! You were in New York this whole time, and you didn't say anything-
Quote from Haley
Haley: How did you even- Wait a minute. It is raining in the background. But it didn't rain while we were all there.
It only rained in New York yesterday. Oh, my God! You stayed in New York without us! [kids gasp]
Phil: We're liars! I'm so sorry.
Claire: No, it's my fault. I- I kept the lie going.
Haley: Okay, are we really glossing over the fact that I figured something out?