Kitty: Oh, you'll have to forgive the mess, Malcolm.
Abe: Mmm, when our Stevie enters a room it's like a typhoon hit.
Kitty: [chuckles] Well, uh, we'll leave you alone.

Lois: Honey, I'm very proud of you but you still haven't proven you're old enough to extend your bedtime.
Reese: Come on, Mom. I'll do anything.
Lois: All right. Tell you what. You can stay up and watch the movie if... you put Dewey to bed.
Hal: Oh.
Reese: Anything else.
Lois: That's the deal. You give him his bath, you put on his PJs, you read him a story.
Hal: Lois, have a heart.
Lois: Hey, take it or leave it.
Reese: I'll take it. [Dewey disappears] Come on, Dewey! It's bath time!
Hal: You know he doesn't stand a chance.
Lois: I know, but at least it'll give us the night to be alone.
Hal: Oh. I love the way your mind works.

Stevie: I'm... winning. I... lost.

Malcolm: Somebody stole my friend's wheelchair.
Security Guard: What's it look like?
Malcolm: It's a chair with wheels.
Security Guard: I'll go get a form. [gets up]
Malcolm: I don't need a form. I need a wheelchair.
[Malcolm looks at the security guard's desk chair]

Stevie: I'm... screwed.
Malcolm: You're not screwed. We just got to get you home. We'll deal with everything else-
[A wheel pops off the desk chair and rolls down into a drain]
Malcolm: What are we going to do now?
Stevie: Carry me... like... a backpack.

Hal: Remember the last time we had a quiet moment together like this?
Lois: Bob's funeral.
Hal: Yeah. Oh, that was nice. And you look great in black.
Lois: Oh.
Hal: You do. You do.

Francis: [leaves message] Mom, Dad, hi. Listen, something's come up. Sorry about the way I sound but I'm calling from inside a washing machine. Don't worry, I think I'll be fine as long as- Oh, hi, guys. How's it going? Hey, hey, what are you doing with those quarters? Hey, you guys, you don't want to- Hey, come on!

Hal: Morning dew.
Lois: You know all my secrets.
Hal: Mmm. Well, we've been together a long time.
Lois: Well, don't worry. I know all your secrets, too.
Hal: No, you don't.
Lois: [chuckles] Oh, yes, I do.
Hal: No. I'm a man of mystery, Lois.
Lois: Okay. Let's hear one. Let's hear a secret.
Hal: Well, it's not really a secret as much as it is a fantasy but it's a little embarrassing, so...
Lois: Well, so whisper in my ear.
[Lois's face drops as Hal whispers in her ear]
Hal: Aha. [chuckles] Just kidding. Just kidding. Saw it in a movie once. Don't want to do that. That's [chuckles]... Oh, God. I gotcha.
Lois: We can do that.
Hal: Really?
Lois: Mm-hmm.

Stevie: We passed... that couch... an hour ago.
Malcolm: I know where we're going. Oh, no, I don't. This sucks.
Stevie: You complain... a lot.
Malcolm: I'm sorry, but tonight hasn't exactly been the most fun in the world.
Stevie: Not tonight. All the time. You... never... stop... bitching.
Malcolm: Okay, great. You're going to do this now? Fine. You were right. We shouldn't have snuck out of your house. We shouldn't have gone to the arcade. It was stupid of me for even thinking about it. It was a dumb idea.
Stevie: No. Good idea. Execution... sucked.