Cynthia: Thank you, Mr. Chicken, for giving up your life so that I can continue to live. [eats]
Malcolm: What are you doing?
Cynthia: I know if someone killed me and ate me, I'd like them to at least say thank you.

Hal: [answers phone] Hello.
Francis: You are the best dad ever.
Hal: I am not. I'm a terrible dad. I never should've lied for you.
Francis: Well, the important thing is that this is all behind us and I've learned my lesson.
Hal: What lesson is that?
Francis: That you are the best dad ever.
Hal: You know, Francis, I don't feel much like talking right now. [hangs up]
[Dewey sprays the phone with bleach]

Malcolm: [to camera] Yeah, we're having lunch together. So what? She likes to sit next to me.
Cynthia: Looks like Lloyd and Dabney are having a pretty intense conversation. Did you know I could read lips? "I've noticed that 80% of my Doritos are isosceles triangles." "Wow, I'm impressed. Want to kiss?" "I was hoping you'd ask. Let me finish my sandwich first." "Waiting is such sweet agony." [laughs] "Okay, I'm ready." "Oh, now I'm not. I just took a bite of my sandwich." "Oh, you're such a tease." [Malcolm laughs]
[As Malcolm and Cynthia lean in to kiss, Cynthia snorts. Malcolm backs away and leaves.]

Cynthia: Now, if I apply pressure like this for ten seconds, you'll pass out. If I do it for 20 seconds, you'll die of a brain hemorrhage.
Malcolm: Cool.
Cynthia: Okay.
Malcolm: Are you wearing perfume?
Cynthia: Oh, it's my shampoo. Jasmine. Do you like it?
Malcolm: Well, yeah. It smells good.
Cynthia: It's supposed to get rid of my dandruff, but I'm not sure it's working.
[As Cynthia bends over to show Malcolm her scalp, he disappears]
Cynthia: Here, what do you think? Malcolm?

Lloyd: Looks like you and Cynthia have some real chemistry.
Malcolm: Would you shut up?
Lloyd: No, see, it-it's a play on words.
Malcolm: I said shut up.
Lloyd: I'll e-mail it to you and some others, if you don't mind.

[Dewey walks by holding a scouring brush and wearing a respirator and a hair net]
Hal: When are you going to talk to Dewey?
Lois: As soon as he finishes the windows.

Hal: Francis, you wrecked Commandant Spangler's car and you weren't punished for it. Another cadet was, and that just isn't right.
[A cadet walks out of the recreation room]
Francis: That's what you came all the way down here to tell me?
Hal: Well, that, and your mother said you can come home from military school, and I told her I didn't think it was a good idea.
Francis: What?!
Hal: Francis, neither one of us did the right thing, and there has to be consequences for that.
Francis: Oh, come on!
Hal: Look, if I didn't do this I'd be failing you as a parent.
Francis: There's got to be another way.
Hal: No, no, believe me. I wrestled with this on the drive over. This is the only fair thing to do because it deals with my complicity as well. Guess there really isn't anything more to say.
[The cadet returns along with a bunch of other cadets, including one who is walking with a limp]
Hal: Well, looks like you have some kind of activity planned, so I'll get out of your hair. Hey. I love you, son. Have fun.

Malcolm: [to camera] Look at her, talking to some idiot. Who is that guy? What am I saying? I don't care. Why should I care? There's nothing that special about her. Why is this bugging me so much? If I'm such a genius I should be able to come up with a smart way to deal with this.

Cynthia's Dad: Why did you throw a brick through my daughter's window at 2:00 in the morning?
Malcolm: I don't know. [to camera] I really don't.
Cynthia: How could you do that? It really scared me, Malcolm.
Malcolm: I don't know, I'm sorry. [to camera] The one good thing is, Mom'll kill me before this goes on for too much longer.

Cynthia: Okay, you know what? Big deal. I do like you. I'm willing to say it. I really like you a lot.
Malcolm: I like you a lot.
Cynthia: Okay, then... [Malcolm leans into kiss Cynthia and then hangs his head] What?
Malcolm: I'm not all tingly and charged up, okay?
Cynthia: Nah. Me neither. [again]
Malcolm: And my body's not going crazy.
Cynthia: Fine. [again]
Malcolm: God, why'd she have to say all that stuff?