‘Ida's Boyfriend’
Season 5, Episode 11 - Aired February 8, 2004
Ida turns up and announces she's getting married. Meanwhile, Malcolm tries to hide the fact he's had his tongue pierced, and Dewey pretends Reese does not exist after destroying one of his toys.
Quote from Malcolm
Malcolm: [to camera] It's okay. I'm sure I had yellow goo coming out of my tongue before it got pierced.
Quote from Ida
Ida: Drink your tea. You hate it when it gets cold.
Mr. Li: Oh, darling, you have something in your hair.
Ida: What?
Mr. Li: Under your wig.
Ida: What are you doing?! Get out of there!
Mr. Li: What is this? A list of my bank accounts... and the amounts in them.
Ida: I had to know what I was getting into.
Mr. Li: Wise as well as beautiful. If we are going to get married, it is only fair you know how much money I have.
Ida: If you're done tearing at me like a hyena, I have to go fix myself.
Quote from Lois
Lois: So, I am just so incredibly curious. You're in love with... my mom?
Mr. Li: I know it seems strange to people. I know that we are so very different. But ever since I met your mother, I've... She just makes me happy. I'm the happiest I've ever been in my whole life.
Lois: And "happy" in your culture means the same as...?
Quote from Otto
Francis: I can't believe you didn't fire them.
Otto: I remember him from Dairy Queen. He was bad.
Quote from Malcolm
Hal: Hey, Malcolm, what time does the parking lot close? 6:00, 6:30, 7:00?
Malcolm: Military time, that would be 1900, Dad.
Quote from Hal
Lois: Hal, do you think...?
Hal: Lois, I know it's weird, but love is blind and it's none of our business, so we might as well just let it go, wish them well, and move on. I know I have.
Quote from Dewey
Reese: Okay, I admit I've been a crummy brother, and I shouldn't have smashed your ship, and I probably should have tried out that new choke hold on an animal before using it on you. So, anyway, I got you this. [places games console on couch]
Dewey: Oh, wow! That's so cool.
Reese: And you can play against the robots or you join them and fight the mutants.
Dewey: I've always wanted this game. I can't believe it.
Reese: And there's a trick to skip levels. Here, let me show you...
Dewey: Mom, I just found the exact game I wanted for my birthday just lying on this chair.
Reese: [to Jamie] How can he be so insensitive? [Jamie looks away] Jamie?
Quote from Ida
Mr. Li: Ah, my love. I almost forgot. My grandmother wore this very necklace on her wedding day. It's called Shuang Hsi, the Chinese symbol for double happiness.
Ida: White people aren't impressed with this junk. You're not supposed to see me before the wedding. Go back to your room before someone mistakes you for a waiter!
Mr. Li: Whatever my bride wants. I'll see you in a little while.
Quote from Malcolm
Malcolm: Oh, my God. Opiate, opiate, mood elevator, large mammal tranquilizer... [to camera] He's not in love with her at all. She's got him drugged!