Lois: Would you stop this, please?! You are humiliating me in front of my friends!
Barbara: [retches] I'm okay.
Lois: You are both middle-aged men, you are too old, and too weak to accomplish anything here!
Hal: It's too late! Something snapped. I am way past the point of no return! We're talking primal animal urges! I'm going to let nature take its course... and kill him!
Lois: In thirty seconds, I am going to instruct these men to let you go.
Hal: Thank you, Lois. Thank you.
Lois: And then, you will have a choice: you can indulge your primal urges with him, or... you can come back to the motel, and indulge your primal urges with me.
Hal: [whimpers] Don't trivialize my anger, Lois. There are some things that you just don't try to talk people out of! I have a legitimate situation here!
Lois: I know, baby. [kisses Hal]

Lois: Gee, I sure hope Barb and Tom can make it this year. They are such a fun couple.
Hal: Well, I'm sure Jack Keneally will be there.
Lois: Oh, honey. Why don't you just say something to him, instead of stewing about it? Well, talking to me isn't going to solve anything, and it's obviously just eating away at you.
Hal: I'm over that.
Lois: No, you are not. It's all you ever talk about whenever we go to this thing. How Keneally stole your idea to improve efficiency by 4% on the R8698. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Honey, you're obsessed.
Hal: I am not obsessed. I just hate that smug look that he always gives me. And those beady little eyes. [chuckles] Did I ever tell you the story about how he finagled his parking spot?
Lois: Yeah, about 1,000 times. But it doesn't matter, because I'm sure you're going to tell me again.
Hal: Okay, first he was assigned a space in C Lot, right? But that wasn't good enough for him. Not for Keneally, no!

Patty: So, what do you guys want for a snack?
Reese: Excuse me?
Patty: Well, I could make you popcorn, or bake us some chocolate-chip cookies.
Dewey: Mom says the oven doesn't work.
Patty: You guys are just so cute!

Tom: You really got a couple of good shots there.
Hal: I'm just embarrassed about the whole thing.
Tom: Hey, he stole your idea. I mean, how often do you come up with an idea to increase efficiency by 4%? Hey, at least you made him scream like a girl.
Hal: No, that was me.

Dewey: I can dance. Want me to show you?
Patty: Ok.
Dewey: [dances] Boo-bee, boo-bee, boo-bee, boo-bee, boo-bee, boo-bee, boo-bee, boo. Boo-bee, boo-bee, boo-bee, boo-bee...
Malcolm: [to camera] This is just embarrassing.
Patty: Oh my god. You little angel, that is the cutest thing.

Lois: I hope you're proud of yourself.
Hal: I can't help it. I don't know what it is. It's like the guy gives off some kind of scent. The hair on the back of my neck stands up, and I want to tear him apart.

Lois: Hal, do you have the...? Where's Hal? [Hal is fighting Ted Keneally again] I used to have a Rottweiler like this. Excuse me.

Malcolm: I can't believe she's sleeping in the bed right down the hall. I can't sleep.
Reese: You're not that cute.
Dewey: [screams]
Patty: [enters] What's the matter?
Dewey: I'm scared. I had a nightmare. [sobs]
Patty: Oh, you poor baby. Want to sleep with me? [Dewey nods] Ok, come on. [Dewey smiles at his brothers] All right. [both exit]
Malcolm: I don't believe it! I'm supposed to be the genius and I'm being outsmarted by a kid who can't even tie his own shoes.
Reese: We can't let him get away with this.
Malcolm: We're taking him down.