‘Bowling’
Season 2, Episode 20 - Aired April 1, 2001
As Reese and Malcolm attend a bowling party while Dewey stays home as a punishment, two alternate realities show how the night would go depending which parent, Lois or Hal, goes bowling and who stays home.
Quote from Reese
Reese: Nice roll.
Beth: Thanks. And you're pretty good, too.
Reese: I've got a joke for you. Would you like to take a walk on the beach...
Lois: Reese! You're up!
Reese: Oh.
Quote from Malcolm
Lois: Maybe the lane is warped.
Malcolm: Mom, please.
Lois: You're not that bad of a bowler, Malcolm. I know you're not.
Malcolm: What are you doing?
Lois: Try this one. It's a lighter ball.
Malcolm: Mom, this is a little kid's ball.
Lois: Just do it. Try it.
[Malcolm stumbles as he goes to release the ball, sending it into the air before it bounces from the next lane into the gutter:]
Man: [o.s.] Pick a lane!
Quote from Reese
Beth: Your brother's not very good. Maybe you should help him.
Reese: Nah. I couldn't do that in front of everybody. I'm kind of his hero. It would just embarrass him.
Beth: That's sweet. You know, you never told me that joke.
Reese: Oh, right. Would you like to take a walk on the beach, feel the salt spray...
Lois: Reese, you're up!
Quote from Hal
Dewey: [o.s.] [sobs]
Hal: What's wrong, son?
Dewey: Nothing.
Hal: Oh. Hey, you want me to read you a story?
Dewey: [sobs] No.
Hal: Oh, come on. Hey, I'll read you Wilbur the Worried Worm. You love that. Let's see, where... Hey, here it is. How about that? Okay. "There once was a worried little worm named Wilbur." Oh, perfect. [lays down] "Wilbur lived in a magic garden filled with beautiful flowers. One day..." [Dewey turns on a music box]
[later, as Hal snores, Dewey places a blanket on him]
Quote from Malcolm
Malcolm: Hey.
Beth: Oh, hi.
Malcolm: Sorry about my brother. We try to limit his contact with humans. Don't worry. You still look great.
Beth: You're not very much like him, are you?
Malcolm: No.
[Malcolm scores a strike]
Beth: You're so cute.
Quote from Malcolm
[split-screen:]
Malcolm: I hate bowling.
Malcolm: I love bowling.
Quote from Dewey
Dewey: [on the phone] Medium with thick crust, mushroom, pepperoni... [holding a burning marshmallow] and extra cheese, please.
Quote from Lois
Lois: Stop talking like that, Malcolm. You can do this. Now, just remember, bend your knee on the follow-through. And remember to keep your elbow in.
Malcolm: Why don't you just kill me and get it over with?
Lois: Come on, I'm trying to help you.
Malcolm: Can't I at least use a boy's ball?
Lois: No. You've knocked over five pins since you switched to that ball.
[Malcolm's ball swerves into the gutter at the last minute]
Quote from Dewey
[When Lois goes into the boys' room to check on Dewey, she finds a drawing of "Mommy and Me"]
Lois: Aw... You must really want out of this room to draw such a manipulative picture.
Dewey: Mm-hmm.
Lois: [turns light out] Go to sleep, sweetie.