Robin: You have to go home and get to bed.
Barney: Oh, Robin, my simple friend from the untamed north, let me tell you about a little thing I like to call mind over body. You see, whenever I start feeling sick, I just stop being sick and be awesome instead. True story. Yeah, in two minutes, I'm going to pound a sixer of Red Bull, hop in a cab, play a couple of hours of laser tag, maybe get a spray-on tan. It's gonna be legen... Wait for it... [Barney falls asleep]

Barney: We're going to Sascha's.
Ted: Who the hell is Sascha?
Barney: Sascha. [points to security woman] She's having friends over for drinks at her house. It's gonna be legen- wait for it, and I hope you're not lactose intolerant 'cause the second half of that word is -dairy!

Ted: Wait. Is this prenup in any way legit? I mean, so far, it sounds a lot like that bar napkin document you make one-night stands sign, promising not to get clingy.
Barney: The Pre-Shtup, patent pending. God, I come up with a lot of good stuff!

Ted: You named her lady parts?
Marshall: Everyone does that.
Ted: So... Lily?
Marshall: Snap, Crackle, Pop. [popping sound]

Barney: Just go ahead and sign. It's all pretty standard.
Quinn: "In the event of divorce, "Mr. Stinson is granted weekly visitation rights to Ann, Sarah and Molly." You named our future kids? That's actually pretty sweet.
Arthur: Those are Mr. Stinson's names for your lady parts.
Barney: It's important for the girls to maintain a relationship with their daddy. [high-fives Arthur]