Barney: Robin, when I said be honest and say what's bothering you, I meant stuff it, never do anything. How'd you not get that?
Robin: It's fine. He's a grown-up.
[door opens]
Loretta: What did you do to my little boy?
[thunder crashes]
Barney: Hi, Mom.

Ted: And then Halloween rolled around.
[flashback:]
Marshall: Get me a wedding present.
Ted: On that note, I think you'll like my costume. I'm a thank-you note.
Marshall: Thank-you note. Ah. I guess you could say that we sort of go together.
Ted: That's right, Marshall. That's right. When someone gets you a gift, you give them a thank-you note.
Marshall: That is how it works.
Ted: Give a gift, get a note.
Marshall: Agreed.
Ted: Exactly.
Marshall: Exactly.
Ted: Exactly.
Marshall: Exactly.
Marshall: I think he got it.
Ted: Yeah. Yeah, he got it. I have to find the bathroom.
[present:]
Marshall: I didn't get it.

Barney: [taking Ted's phone] I know, right? We're about to go through a tunnel. [hangs up] Guys, big dilemma. My mom's insisting that I get Robin to give James his ring back. But Robin's refusing. But James seems like he's really upset. But Robin's gonna be my wife. But James is my brother. But Robin lets me do sex to her. But I have to spend eternity in my mom's mausoleum. I just wish there was a way I didn't have to take sides. What should I do?
Lily: Choose your wife. You always choose your wife. Easy. Got any other stumpers, like how to answer, "Does this make me look fat?"
Barney: Well, maybe a little around the hips, but no more than usual.
Lily: You're getting married, so I will deal with that one after your honeymoon.
Future Ted: [v.o.] And she did.
[flashforward to a tanned, dread-locked Barney talking with Lily at MacLaren's:]
Barney: Belize was amaz... [Lily knees him in the nuts] Aah!

Lily: In marriage, being right is less important than being supportive. Remember, happy wife equals happy life.
Barney: Wow, thanks, that's some great advice, Lil. I knew I could count on you. [runs off]
Ted: He's gotten very respectful with his fake listening.

Ted: Anyway, Lily, I told Marshall this but don't worry about not sending a thank-you note for the coffeemaker. It's cool.
Lily: Uh, we did send a thank-you note for the coffeemaker.
Ted: Uh, no, you didn't.
Lily: Uh, yes, we did. To Stuart and Claudia. The people who gave us the coffeemaker.
Ted: Uh... What?
[flashback to Lily running into Stuart and Claudia:]
Lily: Hey, you two.
Stuart: Hey.
Lily: Hey, thanks again for that coffeemaker, we use it all the time. Especially when Ted's over.
Stuart: Yeah, it's a great machine. We have one at home and we love it.
[present:]
Ted: Did I forget to get you a wedding gift? What kind of monster am I? Mosbys always give wedding gifts. We even have an expression: "Wrap it before you tap it." You know, wrap the gift, before you tap the person on the shoulder and say, "Here's your gift." I will make this right.

Barney: Robin, two things. Number one, are you dropping heat right now?
Robin: No.
Barney: Great. Number two. [laughs] Nice.
Robin: Thanks.
Barney: Anyway, I came up with an amazing plan that I think will make everyone happy. Step one, you let my mom win the ring back in a hand of poker. Step two... No, that's all the steps. What do you think?

Robin: So your plan is you do absolutely nothing to get your fiancee's back? Okay, let me propose a different plan. Step one...
[later, as Robin takes all the chips:]
Robin: Good game, everybody. Ha, ha. And that's all the steps.
Barney: That's a really pretty bra, Mom.

Loretta: Well, I'd better leave now before I lose any more of my dignity. The likelihood of which is increasing every moment in this very chilly room.

Barney: I don't believe it. Robin, you've got to give her that blouse back. She loves that blouse. She got those sequins from Rick James...'s open casket.
Robin: Nope. Not happening.
Barney: Woman, as your bridegroom, I command you.

Robin: Why is this so important to you?
Barney: Because it's my family. And so help me, you and I will never have sex again if you don't give back their bluff. Stuff. Damn it.
Robin: Look, I just... I wanna feel like you're on my side once in a while. That's all. Look, I'm gonna be your wife, for God's sakes. But look, if it's that important to you, here. Do what you want.
Barney: Thank you. And please don't play strip poker with my mom again. It's all kinds of confusing.