Marshall: [on the phone] Lily, we were wrong the whole time. Ted got us the coffeemaker. He's a wonderful man.
Lily: Wait, no, Claudia and Stuart gave us our coffeemaker.
Marshall: Ted's a rat bastard. Never mention his name again!
Robin: Your coffeemaker? Ted got you that. I was with him when he bought it.
Marshall: I don't know what to feel.
Lily: But Stuart said he got it for us.
Ranjit: [from behind the curtains] Stuart and Claudia checked in. I saw them in the lobby.
Billy Zabka: [from the couch] Let's go get to the bottom of this.

Lily: Stuart, no BS, did you really get us that coffeemaker for our wedding?
Stuart: Of course. What a crazy thing to ask. [stealing from the maid's cart] They never give you enough of these things.
Lily: Oh, my God, Ted got us that coffeemaker, and you just played it off as your gift. You're a weasel. Admit it.
Stuart: No. That's insane.
Lily: Really? Housekeeping! Conditioner thief.

Robin: Here's your blouse back. Is there any way we could just, um, forget about all this?
Loretta: No, dear, you keep the blouse. Think of it as your consolation prize.
Robin: Consolation prize?
Loretta: You won the battle, but I'll win the war.
Robin: Game on, bitch.