Ted: Hi. Here. I stopped... [almost hands a bag to Abby, but waits until Stella is watching] Hi, I stopped for coffee and I... and I thought I'd grab you something.
Abby: Oh, wow, thank you, that's so nice. You're like a knight. I should call you Sir Ted.
Ted: What?
Abby: Nothing. Nothing. [laughs nervously]

Future Ted: [v.o.] And sure enough, by session seven, she saw me in a whole new light.
Stella: Okay, I'm about to break my big rule here.
Ted: Break it.
Stella: Okay. Abby goes bowling with her church group every Wednesday nights and she really wanted to invite you, but she's too shy.
Ted: Abby is...?
Stella: My receptionist. You really made quite an impression on her with the coffee the other day. I mean, she has really not stopped talking about you.
Ted: Oh, Abby. I thought you said "Alan."
Stella: But you just said, "Abby is...?"
Ted: Right. Right, I thought I said "Alan."
Stella: Who's Alan?
Ted: Who's Abby?
Stella: My receptionist.
Ted: Exactly.

Ted: Hi. Ted Mosby for Dr. Zinman.
Abby: Hi, Ted. I'll let her know.
Ted: Telepathically?
Abby: [laughs] That's funny. That's funny, smart, and great. [laughs]

Stella: I am so sorry that I am late. I have, like, two minutes for lunch everyday.
Ted: It's crazy. Yeah, I understand. I was just, uh, checking out the old bookshelf here. I see you've read The Power of Me. It's funny...
Stella: What? Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no, I would never read that piece of crap. Some patient left it here.
Ted: Oh, thank God. [chuckles] I couldn't agree more. That's total crap. I see people reading that on the subway and I just want to shout, "Get a life, people!"
Abby: [enters] Ted, I found your book.
Ted: What?
Abby: Your book The Power of Me. I think you accidentally dropped it in the garbage.
Ted: What? No, that's... That's not mine. I've never seen that before in my life.
Abby: No, you were reading it in the lobby.
Ted: What... No, you have me confused with someone else.
Abby: No, no, look right here. "From the personal library of Ted Mosby." That's you.

Ted: Hi. Uh, Ted Mosby for Dr. Zinman.
Abby: Oh, hi, Ted. Love the 'stache. You look like a young Tom Selleck, only a million times handsomer. [on the phone] Dr. Zinman, Magnum's here to see you. [hangs up] Just kidding. Stupid.
[In Stella's office:]
Stella: Sorry I'm late. Typical two-minute lunch. So we are very close to getting...
[Stella bursts into laughter when she sees Ted's mustache]

Ted: This is awful. My- My tenth session is next week. I'm gonna ask her out, and she's gonna say the most demoralizing syllable in the English language, "no". You know what? Just forget it. I'm not even gonna ask her.
Lily: No, you have to. She likes you. She said so herself. [clearing throat] I mean...
Ted: Oh, my God, you went and saw her, too.
Lily: I swear to you, I did not.
[flashback to Marshall in Stella's office:]
Marshall: My wife's always getting on me about my dry elbows. So good to be in a relationship. Anyone special in your life? Or maybe just someone you're interested in? Interes-ted in?
Stella: You know, we should really get this mole checked out. It's just a little irregular.
Marshall: [inner monologue] Irregular? Oh, my God. This is it. It's all over.
Stella: One of my patients has this little butterfly tattoo at the bottom of his back.
Marshall: Can you stop talking about your other patients?! I'm dying here, woman!

[flashback to Marshall in Stella's office:]
Stella: Look, even if it is something, it's easily treatable, so try to relax.
Marshall: Okay. Hey, what was it you were saying before about the guy with the butterfly tattoo?
Stella: Oh, that... That's nothing. It's just a little crush. So I will be calling you with your results.
Marshall: Oh. Okay. Thank you.
Stella: Oh, sir, your book!

Future Ted: [v.o.] That last session was the least painful of all. I savored every searing blast of that laser.
Stella: All done.
Future Ted: The moment I'd waited ten weeks for had arrived.
Ted: Stella, now that I'm no longer your patient, would you like to have dinner with me?
Stella: Ted, you're a really nice guy...
Ted: Oh, no.
Stella: It has been so great getting to know you.
Ted: I am gonna kill Marshall.
Stella: I've had so much fun these last ten weeks.
Ted: Oh, my God, this is worse than the laser.

Stella: I have a daughter.
Ted: What?
Stella: Her name's Lucy. She's eight. Work and being with her, that's pretty much my life. My social calendar is movie night with the girls once a month when I can get a sitter. I mean, I've been to one party in the past year. St. Paddy's Day, it was awful, I left early. But, really, my only free time is the two minutes I get for lunch, so... this is why I don't date. Ted, I only have time for one most important person in my life, and that's Lucy. Anyway, it's been fun. Next time, think before you ink. But if you ever do wake up with, like, a dolphin tattoo on your ankle, just give me a call.

Abby: All my friends told me, "Abby, be strong. He doesn't deserve another chance." But I forgive you! [runs after Ted]
Ted: No, no, no, no!