Robin: Okay, we're back live in 30 seconds. I don't know.
Sound Guy: I'll see if he's still wearing his mic.
Sandy Rivers: [on mic] Taxi, take me to Tina's house. 50 West 67th.
Man: [on mic] Sir, this is a falafel stand, and you're sitting in the hummus.
Robin: Okay. Run the montage of people who died this year until I get back. And add Sandy, because when I find him, I'm going to kill him.

Ted: I've always envisioned Puzzles as a literary salon, where Gotham's intelligentsia hold court on art, philosophy and literature.
Barney: Great. And while you're distracting the nerds and fatties, I'll be in the VIP room getting it in.
Ted: Uh, yeah, dude, I don't know where you got a velvet rope, but you can't use my room for anonymous sex. I'm kind of a neat freak that way.

Kevin: Hey, guys, I have an idea for Puzzles. What if... [Barney and Ted grimace] What?
Barney: Puzzles is kind of our thing, so...
Ted: Kind of a shared vision.
Kevin: Oh. Okay. I understand.
Ted: But he we like your energy. How would you like to be our star bartender?
Kevin: I've always wanted to be a bartender. It's just like being a therapist. You listen to people's problems, pretend to care, but you can drink openly, instead of having to hide your booze in a coffee mug.
Ted: Great.

Sandy Rivers: Oh, the Twitter-verse blowing up about a new apartment-themed bar called Puzzles.
Robin: Why is it called Puzzles?
[elsewhere:]
Barney: That's the puzzle! Anyway, this VIP room has a maximum occupancy of two people including me, so eeny... and the rest of you may go.

Robin: I hate this job, Sandy! I went into journalism to make a difference, but you have made that impossible. You know, to be honest, it hasn't been an easy couple months for me. I've made mistakes. I've felt alone. I had to let go of dreams I didn't even know I had. So here's the deal: You're gonna get back on air and count us into a better year, because I just can't do 2011 anymore. You with me? [to the sound man] He's not with me, is he?

Barney: Oh, my God!
Robin: [on TV] This is Robin Scherbatsky filling in for Sandy Rivers. You know, America, tonight I've been groped, stepped in puke and until 10 minutes ago had no idea I would be on national television.
Kevin: That's my girl.
Robin: But that's the magic of New Year's. When that clock strikes midnight, we all get a fresh start. And I don't know about you, but I could really use one. And that magic moment starts in ten... nine...
Future Ted: [v.o.] That night became a turning point in Robin's career. But we'll get to that.

Marshall: And that's the story of New Year's Eve. You know, I've been thinking that the reason I got so intense with Lily about Enigmas of the Mystical is that, well...
Mourner: Could you pass the pickles?
Marshall: ...with you gone, I feel the mystical a little less.
Mourner #2: Can you hand me the chips?
Marshall: Sometimes I feel you a little less. That's why today was so important because I just... I needed to... Did you just open a beer on my father's headstone?
Mourner #3: Actually, it's a hard cider.
Future Ted: [v.o.] And just as he was about to lose it...
Mourner #2: Hey, Marvin, can you pass me a burger? Hey, not Marvin. Marshall. Sorry, it's just, you're so much like your pop.
Future Ted: Your Uncle Marshall thought back to all those tailgates with his father.
[flashback:]
Man: Hey, mind if I grab one?
Marvin Sr.: The more the merrier!
Man: All right.
Future Ted: And he realized that maybe private moments are overrated.
Marshall: You know what? The more the merrier.

Marshall: [v.o.] Anyway, Dad, Ted and Barney's, New Year's Eve wasn't off to a great start, either.
Doug: Hey. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. It's 50 bucks, and the line starts out there.
Ted: Uh, we're regulars.
Doug: Oh, in that case, the line starts out there, and it's 50 bucks. You got a problem with that?
Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, here's why we didn't have a problem with that. [flashback to Doug pounding on a guy] And he was even scarier without the toupee.
Barney: No problem.
Ted: It's a little drafty. We'll get you a nice hot cocoa.

Robin: Check it out. Sandy Rivers' New Year's Eve show. Thank God I don't have to produce this frozen pile of poo.
Kevin: How'd you dodge that bullet?
Robin: Well, maybe Tina, the producer, he, uh, picked, is more talented than I am... at lying down while Sandy does his business on her.

Kevin: Does it bother you that this pervert's on the air, and you're not anymore? Do you miss it?
Robin: What? Why would... Why would I miss it? No. I would rather be warm and cozy here in denial-- my apartment.
Kevin: Robin, I'm no therapist- Wait, yes, I am. But I've got a New Year's resolution for you. Get back on camera. Mine was going to be "make a sex tape," so... two birds.