Marshall: I kinda get the no exes thing. Why ask a filed romance to come and watch your successful one? It's like inviting the Seattle Mariners to a World Series game. It's weird for everyone.

Barney: What? No. Robin has to come.
Ted: Right, she's like, my best friend.
[Marshall and Barney protest]
Ted: Female friend. My best female friend.
Lily: Hey! Whoa! ... Eh, I don't care, why fake it.

Lily: Brides are under a lot of stress before a wedding. I mean, of course, I held it together pretty well.
Marshall: [laughs] You don't remember?
[flashback to a panicked Lily rushing into the apartment:]
Lily: [crying] The florist just told me the roses are more light medium-pink than medium-pink. Light medium-pink! Everything's ruined.
[later]
Lily: [crying] Our wedding site uses a gravity furnace instead of forced-air heating. That's the one thing I cared about. Why are we even getting married?
[later]
Lily: Blobbity-blah, wickity-wah, eeky, eeky, eeky, eeky whee!
[present:]
Marshall: After a while, it's all noise.

Nora: You Barney?
Barney: Yes.
Nora: I hear you're a real man whore, so listen up. Tomorrow night I want to do things so dirty and so depraved that I forget that this was supposed to be my wedding.
Barney: I... I'm kind of here with someone.
Nora: Bring her.
Lily: [to Barney] You're never going to make it.

Tony: So what brings you here? I thought you'd be off in some honeymoon suite with my woman right now.
Ted: Not yet. Soon.
Tony: That's right, tonight's the night. Yeah! Oh, man, you are going to be sticking it to the mother of my child.
Ted: Actually, I've already stuck it to her plenty of times. Why do I always have to correct people?

Nora: So, today's the day. You hydrating?
Barney: Dear female, thank you for your interest in Barney Stinson...
Nora: Your back is going to look like a Jackson Pollock.
Barney: I regret to inform you that at this time...
Nora: I was a vegan for two years. I need meat.
Barney: There are currently no positions available.
Nora: I'm a yoga instructor. Every position is available. [Barney grunts] Your room, 20 minutes. No foreplay. [Barney pants]
Barney: [to Lily] I'm not going to make it, am I?
Lily: Not a chance.
Barney: [groans]

Stella: Ted, what is Robin doing here? I thought I made myself clear. No exes at our wedding.
Ted: To be fair, your ex is here.
Stella: You invited him!

Ted: Hey, sorry about running off like that.
Robin: Oh, it's okay. You would not believe the trip I just had. I was on a plane for almost a full day. But it is worth it to see you get married. How could I not be here...?
Ted: You can't come to the wedding.
Robin: Oh, thank God!
Ted: What?
Robin: Ted, it's weird.
Ted: It's not weird.
Robin: It is weird. Do you know how it feels to be somebody's ex at their wedding?
[fantasy:]
Stella: Robin.
Robin: Stella.
Stella: Suck it, bitch! I win!

Ted: We broke up over a year ago.
Robin: Yeah, but that's not that long ago. Watching your marry another woman isn't exactly something I was looking forward to. I don't know, I- I just thought if I ever changed my mind about marriage and kids, it was... It was nice to know that you were there.
Ted: So, I was your safety school, how flattering.
Robin: Not that. That's not it. It's just that...
Ted: Why are you bringing any of this up? There's nothing between us anymore.
Robin: Well, maybe there is. I mean, of course there is. That kind of stuff just doesn't disappear without a trace. Look, I'm not just another guest here, Ted.

Ted: Right. We used to date, but we both moved on. And... look, we got what we wanted. I'm getting married, you got your dream job in Tokyo. And they all lived happily ever...
Robin: I quit my job.
Ted: You what?
Robin: I'm moving back to New York. I thought I wanted that job, but... I want to come back to my real life. And I think you should go back to yours.
Ted: What's that supposed to mean?
Robin: Don't get married. Look, you're rushing into this. It's like you're trying to skip ahead to the end of the book. Ted, you're the most romantic guy I know. You... You stole a blue French horn for me. You tried to make it rain.
Ted: I did make it rain.
Robin: It was a coincidence. But after all that, this is how your great romantic quest comes to an end? You're just disappearing into someone else's wedding, someone else's house, someone else's life without a second thought. That's not the amazing ending that you deserve. That's not Ted Mosby.
Ted: I love Stella. She's the one. If you really feel that way, I guess it's a good thing you're not coming to the wedding after all.