Lily: Let's get out of here. Where's Ted?
Barney: Yeah.
Marshall: I know how to find him. Just give me one minute.
[Marshall hits a gong]
Marshall: Gongs, right? They're louder than you think.
Jefferson Van Smoot: Young man, that gong is a 500-year-old relic that hasn't been struck since W.S. Gilbert hit it at the London premiere of The Mikado in 1885.
Marshall: Ooh. His wife's a 500-year-old relic that hasn't been struck since W.S. Gilbert hit it at the London premiere of The Mikado in 1885.

Ted: Such a great party! Such a great party!
Marshall: Yeah, totally. Ted, it's time to go. It's Robots vs. Wrestlers o'clock!
Marissa: Oh. Ted? There you are. We'll be blind taste testing French whites in a bit. It should be a hoot and a half.
Ted: Well, I decant miss that. [both laugh]

Ted: Guys, listen. I'm having fun here, so I think I'm gonna skip Robots vs. Wrestlers.
Barney: [gasps] But, Ted, you've never missed Robots vs. Wrestlers. No, no, no, no, no, no, no... Ted, this isn't happening. First, Robin ditches us and now you! And for these stuffy, pretentious snoots!

Ted: Actually, I kind of like these stuffy, pretentious snoots. They don't make fart noises every time I open my mouth. Well, look, I'm gonna stay. I'll see you guys tomorrow.
Lily: Yeah, come on, Barney. It's just one night. It doesn't mean anything.
Barney: Oh! It means everything. Ted, if you don't come to Robots vs. Wrestlers, it's the end of our friendship.
Ted: I'll see you guys tomorrow.
Barney: Fine. Then you are out of our gang forever. You can re-apply in two years. Marshall, Lily. Let's go watch wrestlers fight robots. [exits, returns] So embarrassing. I forgot something. [hits gong]

Marshall: Best tradition ever.
Barney: Don't humor me, Marshall. Let's face it, the gang is over. Ted's gone, Robin's gone. We might as well just go our separate ways.
Lily: God, Barney, enough with the abandonment issues. Ted's allowed to have a life outside of the group. We all are.
Barney: Wait a minute. Why are you saying that all of a sudden? Oh, God, you're pregnant!
Lily: No!
Barney: Oh, God, you already had the baby! It's right behind me, isn't it?
Lily: No, you idiot. It's just... Eventually, we're all gonna move on. It's called growing up.

Barney: But can you at least promise me that you won't get pregnant for another year?
Lily: Can't make that promise.
Barney: [alarmed] You can't?
Marshall: [elated] You can't?

Ted: Mmm. Citrus and honeycomb flavors with crisp acidity. It's a Sauv blanc, Loire Valley. Town of Sancerre.
Jefferson Van Smoot: Correct again! Bravo, boy.

Barney: No, you can't have kids! You don't want to bring a child into this crazy, messed up world.
Marshall: I don't know. The world seems pretty awesome right now, Barney.
Barney: Okay, Lily, you leave me no choice. If you have a daughter, the day, nay, the minute she turns 18, gong!
Lily: Oh, God!

Ted: Well, of course, hell is an interesting concept, isn't it? I've always loved to imagine it as Dante did in The Divine Comedy. If you'll allow me. In the original Italian. [speaks Italian]
Ted: [inner monologue] I can't believe this. I'm reciting The Divine Comedy in its original Italian, and nobody's making fart noises! Wow, this is weird. I've never gotten this far. You know, I actually sound kind of douchey. My God. I'm out of control. Listen to me. I'm completely unleashed. I'm the biggest douche on the planet.
Ted: [continues speaking Italian]
Ted: [inner monologue] I wish somebody would stop me.
Future Ted: [v.o.] And then, somebody did.
Ted: [cell phone beeps] Scusi un attimo.

Barney: Rule number 83, if anything that comes out of that baby gets on one of my suits, I get to touch Lily's boobs.
Marshall: Dude, what is it with you and my wife's boobs tonight?
Barney: Hey, hey! I don't make the rules.