Barney: Hey. Before you say anything, I am done with this stupid Robin 101, okay? Here, I'll get rid of the notebook. But there's... There's something that I did want to say to you. Robin, I have been with a lot of women, blondes, brunettes, redheads, big boobs, small boobs, medium boobs, some boobs that were big, but kind of in a bad way. The point is - Boobs that pointed in opposite direc... The point is... I'm really scared that you're going to dump me and that's why I did this and I'm sorry.
Robin: You're an idiot. [kisses Barney]

Ted: Well, anything sounds weird if you say it a hundred times. Bowl. Bowl. Bowl.
Lily: But other than that, things are good?
Ted: Bowl. Bowl.
Robin: I don't know. I think Barney's been single for too long.
Ted: Bowl.
Robin: Like, the other night, I wake up at 4:00 a.m
Ted: Bowl.

[flashback to Robin's bedroom at 4:00 a.m.:]
Robin: Barney, are you awake? Barney?
[Robin pulls back the cover and finds a basketball where Barney's head should be. She looks over and sees him trying to climb out the window.]
Robin: Barney. This is not a one-night stand. We're dating. Come back to bed.
[A still sleepy Barney sighs, walks a few steps and collapses on to the bed]

Ted: Bowl.
Robin: Look, I'm not the touchy-feely-est person in the world, but... a little more effort would be nice.
Ted: Bowl. Bowl.
Robin: I understand.
Ted: Bowl.
Lily: I guess, in a lot of ways, Barney doesn't stack up.
Ted: Bowl. Bowl.
Lily: I mean, you've had some pretty incredible boyfriends.
Ted: [at various pitches] Bowl. Bowl. Bowl. Bowl.
Robin: No, that's not it.

Robin: I don't know.
Ted: Bowl.
Robin: Maybe he just doesn't have it in him.
Ted: Bowl. Bowl.
Robin: Maybe is whole thing's a big mistake.
Ted: Bowl?

Future Ted: [v.o.] But then a funny thing happened. Over the next couple weeks, Barney was thoughtful, considerate, sweet. In short, the perfect boyfriend. Which, to Robin, meant only one thing.
Robin: He's cheating on me.
Lily: What?!
Robin: Why else would he buy me flowers? He's gettin' some on the side.
Lily: Oh, come on, Robin. Barney's not the type of guy who would... Go on.

Robin: Plus, he keeps saying he's working late. But when I call his office, they say he left hours ago.
Lily: Well, that doesn't prove anything.
Robin: Yes. Proof. Good word. I'm glad you brought that up. Barney's briefcase. He forgot it here this morning.
Lily: And what do you plan on doing with it?
Robin: We. We - you and I - are going to open it up and look for evidence. Ted probably has a sledgehammer around here somewhere.
Lily: No, stop, stop. Eye contact. Listen to me. Robin Scherbatsky is many things: friend, confidant, occasional guest star in some confusing dreams that remind me a woman's sexuality is a moving target. But she is no crazy, jealous stalker-bitch. Let go.

Marshall: This is so exciting. Right now there's some out there who has no idea that tonight they're going home with just... just the best barrel.
Robin: Well, let's just hope they're not allergic to barrel resin like Lily here.
Lily: Be cool, baby. Damn!

Marshall: She's still there! Okay Mabel, let's find you a new home. Here comes a guy! And he... he just walked, walked right on by it. He's probably rushing home to get a handcart or something. Yeah! Hey, better hurry up, pal.

Lily: Oh, here's a good one. "Top Five Things Never to Do Around Robin."
[flashback to Ted's classroom:]
Ted: Three: "Never, ever play the 'Guess Who' game with her."
Barney: What do you mean?
[flashback to spring 2006 as Ted walks up behind Robin on the street and puts his hands over her eyes]
Ted: Guess who?
[Robin pulls Ted's arm and flips him over on to the ground before standing on his chest.]
Ted: It's me! It's me! It's me!