Marshall: What are you guys doing with Barney's secret Robin notebook? Let me rephrase that. Did you two ladies lose some weight?
Lily: What do you know about this, Marshall?
Robin: Why would Barney have a notebook full of information about me?
Marshall: Well...
[cut to a college classroom:]
Future Ted: [v.o.] The truth was Barney was taking a night school class taught... by me.
Ted: Welcome to Robin 101.

Robin: Why is Ted teaching a class about me?
Marshall: It all started a few weeks ago.
[flashback to Ted and Barney talking at MacLaren's:]
Barney: ...rather than rolling around next to some eyeliner in Robin's purse. Stinson out! [leaves but turns right back] Stinson back in. Say, hypothetically, I did want to change who I am to become a better boyfriend to Robin, which I do not! What kind of changes are we talking about?
Ted: Why, I mean, there's just so much you need to know about her. Okay, for starters, don't ever cry in front her.
Barney: Okay.
Ted: And whatever you do, don't cry in front of her four times.

Marshall: [looking out the window] Uh-oh. Looks like we got a taker. Oh, come on, dude. You know you want to. A guy like you, beard, no mustache. You're exactly the kind of guy who could use a sweet barrel. Do it. [Dog pees on the barrel] No. No. That's not a fire hydrant! What... For shame, Sir. For shame! I bet you couldn't even grow a mustache if you wanted to.
Lily: Neither can you, sweetie.
Marshall: Well, he doesn't know that, baby! God!

Robin: Ted's only teaching Barney horrible things about me.
Lily: I don't know. Check this out. This is actually kind of sweet.
[flashback to Ted's classroom:]
Ted: Now, we all know Robin's not what you'd call "touchy-feely." She doesn't say, "I love you," like a normal person. Instead, she'll laugh, shake her head, give you a little smile and say, "You're an idiot."
Barney: "You're an idiot"?
Ted: Yup. If she tells you you're an idiot, you're a lucky man. And if she does say "I love you," she's already broken up with you in her mind.

Lily: I think 's nice that Ted knows you that well.
Robin: Ah, well, too bad it's next to a page entitled...
[flashback to Ted's classroom:]
Ted: "Robin Scherbatsky's Surprising Erogenous Zones." Right knee, ticklish. Left knee...
[flashback to Ted and Robin in bed in 2006:]
Ted: Does lefty like that?
Robin: [groans]
[back:]
Ted: Oh, yeah. Lefty like that.
Barney: I can't believe I'm taking sexual advice from Ted Mosby. That's like taking fashion advice from... well, Ted Mosby.

Ted: Yes! But I guess you're right. You haven't learned anything. Sorry to have wasted your time.
[As Ted begins to walk out the class room, Barney stands up on a chair]
Barney: "Oh, Captain! My Captain!"
Ted: How good was Dead Poet's Society?
Barney: I know, right? The end? Tears.

Robin: Okay, can I just say that my deepest need in life not to have my father to say, "I am proud of you, eh?"
Marshall: Then why are you crying now?
Robin: [sobbing] I'm not crying.
Lily: Oh, sweetie. Can I get you some butterscotch?
Robin: Oh, stop it.

Robin: Wait a second. It says here that the class meets at 6:15 on Tuesday.
Lily: So?
Robin: That's right now.
[cut to Ted's classroom:]
Ted: Now, as you can see, well over 50% of the blankets have been dragged onto her side. Make no mistake. Robin Scherbatsky is a classic, textbook... cover hog. Any questions?
[Robin, Lily and Marshall enter the classroom]
Robin: Yeah, I have one.
Ted: Yes, Robin?
[Ted and Barney both gasp]

Ted: [looking at Robin] Flared nostril ridges. Wide, unblinking eyes. Uh-oh.
Barney: I got this. [to Robin] So, emperor penguins, crazy, huh?

Robin: I have so many questions. Why would you do this? What were you thinking? Who the hell is that guy?
Ted: Oh, that's Shin-Ya. He's sort of been auditing the class.
Robin: "Auditing"?
Ted: Well, tried to explain to him it wasn't a real class, but I don't think he speaks much English.
Barney: On the bright side, he came in handy standing in for you during the role-playing exercises.
Robin: Wait. You did role-playing exercises where I was played by Shin-Ya?
Shin-Ya: [in Japanese] They made me wear a wig. It was very demeaning.