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No Questions Asked

‘No Questions Asked’

Season 9, Episode 7 -  Aired October 28, 2013

When Marshall panics about a text message Daphne sent to Lily, he calls on his friends to help delete the message by reminding them of their "No Questions Asked" favors.

Quote from Ted

Ted: "And I see in your eyes the emerald reefs of the primordial seas, afroth with the first stirrings of life, infinite in mystery and miracle. Forever yours, the guy you met at the drugstore an hour ago. I heard you give your address to the pharmacist while I was buying foot powder." Yeah. Mailed it. No, no, no.

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Quote from Barney

Lily: What is going on? Barney, what are you doing in there?
Barney: Uh, well, there is a story there. It involves a trained Guatemalan kinkajou, a Bolshoi Ballet prima ballerina, and Olympic gold medalist, Duke Kahanamoku's surfboard. Tell her, Ted.
Ted: Uh, uh, uh...
Barney: The kinkajou...
Ted: The kinkajou...

Quote from Marshall

Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, as you know, Lily and Marshall had decided to move to Rome after Barney and Robin's wedding. But without telling Lily, Marshall then accepted a judgeship in New York, until his always-helpful road trip companion Daphne had come to his aid.
Marshall: You texted Lily that I took the job?
Daphne: You're welcome. You were torturing yourself figuring out how to tell her, I broke the ice.
Marshall: I was standing on that ice. Now I'm gonna be bobbing face down on a frigid creek.
Daphne: I do not need to know the nasty way you apologize to your wife. And frigid? Maybe you're just doing it wrong.

Quote from Marshall

Marshall: [answers phone] Hi, baby.
Lily: I can't believe you did this behind my back.
Marshall: I know, I should've talked to...
Lily: Thanks to you, we're stuck all weekend in the room with a ghost in it.
Marshall: Room with a...? We got 13? The room that's haunted by the ghost of Captain Dearduff?
Daphne: We got the who to the what, now?

Quote from Marshall

Marshall: [on the phone] So have you seen the ghost?
Lily: Not yet, but that might just be because ghosts don't exist, Marshall!
Marshall: So explain the night shirt we saw flying around our cabin in the Poconos.
Lily: An owl got stuck in it. We saw it fly out the neck hole.
Marshall: Yeah, the ghost of an owl that died in that cabin.

Quote from Marshall

Lily: [on the phone] And the inn's booked up because of the wedding so we can't change rooms.
Marshall: [smiling] Oh, that sucks. I'm sorry, baby. Hey, but if Dearduff does manifest, you know the way to harvest ectoplasm, right?
[Lily hangs up]

Quote from Marshall

Lily: Ted? What the hell are you doing in my room?
Ted: Uh...
Future Ted: [v.o.] There was an explanation. You see, after Marshall got off the phone with Lily, he had called me.
[flashback:]
Ted: [answers phone] Hey, buddy, what's...?
Marshall: Ted, I need you to sneak into Lily's room, find her phone and delete the last text she got.
Ted: Why? What's...?
Marshall: Ted, I need you to do this, no questions asked. And as we both know, you owe me a "no questions asked."
[flashback:]
Marshall: [answers phone] Hey.
Ted: Hey. Listen. I need you to do something for me, no questions asked, okay?
Marshall: What is it?
Ted: Meet me at the corner of 53rd and Eighth. Bring your drill.
[later, Marshall carries his tool box down the street as he passes a mail box:]
Ted: Marshall.
Marshall: What the hell? How did you...?
Ted: No questions asked.
[back to first flashback:]
Marshall: I broke federal law drilling you out of that.
Ted: Hey, I was a man in need.
Marshall: I know, you were a "Priority Male."
Ted: You said you'd stop doing that joke after the editor of Bazooka Joe comics rejected it.
Marshall: That man is a comedy snob. The point is, you owe me a "no questions asked."

Quote from Ted

[flashback:]
Ted: [on the phone] Okay, okay. I'll delete the text.
Marshall: Thank you.
Ted: I just have to figure out how to get into Lily's room.
Marshall: Easy. The lock on her door is busted, so...
Ted: The drain pipe.
Marshall: What?
Ted: There's a drain pipe that runs up near her window. And no big deal, I can totally climb it. I'll call you when it's done.
Marshall: Her door is unlock... [call disconnects]

Quote from Barney

Man: [o.s.] Cold. So cold. Help me. Help me.
Ted: Oh, God, the Hooker's here.
Barney: [in the vent] Ted, I'm not gonna cheat on Robin. But you're a hell of a best man for getting me one, buddy. Where is she? All right, I'll take a lap dance. Can I borrow some sweatpants?

Quote from Barney

Ted: Barney, what are you doing in there?
Barney: Marshall asked me to do something for him, no questions asked. Sidebar: I forgot to get my cousin David something for his Bar Mitzvah last week. Could you send the hooker to his room?

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