Hamish: So you're saying you didn't order room service and you didn't order Prison Sluts Nine?
Lily: I am saying I did not order room service.

Lily: What is going on? Barney, what are you doing in there?
Barney: Uh, well, there is a story there. It involves a trained Guatemalan kinkajou, a Bolshoi Ballet prima ballerina, and Olympic gold medalist, Duke Kahanamoku's surfboard. Tell her, Ted.
Ted: Uh, uh, uh...
Barney: The kinkajou...
Ted: The kinkajou...

Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, as you know, Lily and Marshall had decided to move to Rome after Barney and Robin's wedding. But without telling Lily, Marshall then accepted a judgeship in New York, until his always-helpful road trip companion Daphne had come to his aid.
Marshall: You texted Lily that I took the job?
Daphne: You're welcome. You were torturing yourself figuring out how to tell her, I broke the ice.
Marshall: I was standing on that ice. Now I'm gonna be bobbing face down on a frigid creek.
Daphne: I do not need to know the nasty way you apologize to your wife. And frigid? Maybe you're just doing it wrong.

Marshall: [answers phone] Hi, baby.
Lily: I can't believe you did this behind my back.
Marshall: I know, I should've talked to...
Lily: Thanks to you, we're stuck all weekend in the room with a ghost in it.
Marshall: Room with a...? We got 13? The room that's haunted by the ghost of Captain Dearduff?
Daphne: We got the who to the what, now?

Marshall: [on the phone] So have you seen the ghost?
Lily: Not yet, but that might just be because ghosts don't exist, Marshall!
Marshall: So explain the night shirt we saw flying around our cabin in the Poconos.
Lily: An owl got stuck in it. We saw it fly out the neck hole.
Marshall: Yeah, the ghost of an owl that died in that cabin.

Lily: [on the phone] And the inn's booked up because of the wedding so we can't change rooms.
Marshall: [smiling] Oh, that sucks. I'm sorry, baby. Hey, but if Dearduff does manifest, you know the way to harvest ectoplasm, right?
[Lily hangs up]

Lily: Ted? What the hell are you doing in my room?
Ted: Uh...
Future Ted: [v.o.] There was an explanation. You see, after Marshall got off the phone with Lily, he had called me.
[flashback:]
Ted: [answers phone] Hey, buddy, what's...?
Marshall: Ted, I need you to sneak into Lily's room, find her phone and delete the last text she got.
Ted: Why? What's...?
Marshall: Ted, I need you to do this, no questions asked. And as we both know, you owe me a "no questions asked."
[flashback:]
Marshall: [answers phone] Hey.
Ted: Hey. Listen. I need you to do something for me, no questions asked, okay?
Marshall: What is it?
Ted: Meet me at the corner of 53rd and Eighth. Bring your drill.
[later, Marshall carries his tool box down the street as he passes a mail box:]
Ted: Marshall.
Marshall: What the hell? How did you...?
Ted: No questions asked.
[back to first flashback:]
Marshall: I broke federal law drilling you out of that.
Ted: Hey, I was a man in need.
Marshall: I know, you were a "Priority Male."
Ted: You said you'd stop doing that joke after the editor of Bazooka Joe comics rejected it.
Marshall: That man is a comedy snob. The point is, you owe me a "no questions asked."

[flashback:]
Ted: [on the phone] Okay, okay. I'll delete the text.
Marshall: Thank you.
Ted: I just have to figure out how to get into Lily's room.
Marshall: Easy. The lock on her door is busted, so...
Ted: The drain pipe.
Marshall: What?
Ted: There's a drain pipe that runs up near her window. And no big deal, I can totally climb it. I'll call you when it's done.
Marshall: Her door is unlock... [call disconnects]

Man: [o.s.] Cold. So cold. Help me. Help me.
Ted: Oh, God, the Hooker's here.
Barney: [in the vent] Ted, I'm not gonna cheat on Robin. But you're a hell of a best man for getting me one, buddy. Where is she? All right, I'll take a lap dance. Can I borrow some sweatpants?

Ted: Barney, what are you doing in there?
Barney: Marshall asked me to do something for him, no questions asked. Sidebar: I forgot to get my cousin David something for his Bar Mitzvah last week. Could you send the hooker to his room?