Marshall: But that wasn't the time I meant. This was last fall.
[flashback:]
Marshall: Hey, I got here as fast as I could. Are you okay?
Barney: Yeah, fine. These quacks said I was "unfit" to leave on my own. Blah, blah, blah. "Danger to myself. Blah, blah, blah. Whoever signs me out is legally responsible for my act..." I need you to sign me out.
Marshall: What the hell happened?
Barney: Ah-ah. I said no questions asked.
Marshall: Star, clover, horseshoe. Barney, did you swallow real versions of all the Lucky Charms items?
Barney: No questions asked. Now, come on, let's hit the bar, I'm buying. I won $50 from a little Irish guy on a dare.

Barney: [on the phone] Fine, I'll delete the text. But how am I supposed to get into Lily's room?
Marshall: Easy. The lock on her door is busted...
Barney: Air ducts.
Marshall: What?
Barney: I'll use the system of air ducts to get into her room, just like the bad guy in Die Hard.
Marshall: Barney, Bruce Willis is not the bad guy in Die... Not important. The point is, the door is not lock...
Barney: Call you when it's done. [hangs up]
Robin: Anyway, I was saying, we need to be better about talking before doing stuff.
Barney: Can't talk. Doing stuff.

Lily: Oh, God, what is it now?
Porter: Good evening, Ms. Aldrin.
Lily: But I didn't order room service.
Porter: It says right here. Room 13: Lobster, caviar, champagne.
Lily: Four hundred dollars? I didn't order any of this.
Ted: Maybe Dearduff the Hooker ordered it.
Lily: Well, I'm not paying for room service the Hooker ordered.
Barney: I've been there.

Robin: [answers phone] Hey.
Marshall: Robin, I need you to delete the last text Lily got before she sees it.
Robin: Bro, it's my wedding weekend. Just because you didn't know better than to take a naked selfie while you were in the coldest part of the country...
Marshall: First, I'm an Eriksen. Cold has a plumping effect. Second, you owe me a "no questions asked."
[flashback:]
Marshall: [on the phone] All right, I'm at the alley near 22nd and 2nd. Now what?
Robin: No questions asked. Tell me about the giant trout you and your dad caught.
Marshall: Well, it was more beast than trout. It fought us for three hours and nearly dragged us both into Lake Winnibigoshish. It was this big, and...
[As Marshall holds out his arms, he catches Robin, who is wearing a purple unitard. She acrobatically runs out of there, trailed by a number of colorfully dressed ninjas]
[back:]
Marshall: I never asked who those weirdos were, why they called you "Night Falcon", or what was in those
darts they were blowing.
Robin: Your vision came back, didn't it? Wuss. Fine, I'll take care of it. Just have to figure out how to get into Lily's room.
Marshall: Her door doesn't lock. You can just...
Robin: Room service. Night Falcon, you're a genius. I'll call you when it's done.

Ted: Why would he call you guys before me?
Barney: Well, dude, you're not great in a crisis. What was that story you were prattling on about? What the hell is a kinkajou?

Hamish: I'm sorry, ma'am. You ordered it. You have to pay for it. Not to mention the room damage you're responsible for. I've got a report: Broken lock, faulty Wi-Fi, you've taken several items from the minibar.
Lily: There is no minibar.
Hamish: Stolen minibar.

Robin: We were both gonna bolt off and Ione-wolf it without telling the other person a thing.
Barney: Why do we do that?
Robin: I don't know. Maybe we're just incapable of working as a unit.
Barney: You know, I bet even Ione wolves can learn to work together.
Robin: I'd like to think so.
Barney: They could build their little woodland den together.
Robin: Roam together.
Barney: Hunt together.
Robin: Lure prey into a tight corner and...
Both: Snap its limbs with our powerful jaws and watch the life drain from its eyes. Aw.

Marshall: [answers phone] Hi, baby.
Lily: You are never gonna believe this, but... Hey, someone sent me a text.
Ted: Lily, stop.
Lily: Why?
Ted: Because... Because...
Future Ted: [v.o.] And that's when I realized that the answer had been there all along.
Ted: Throw your phone on the ground, smash it with your foot.
Lily: What? No. Why would I?
Ted: I need you to do this, no questions asked. You owe me a "no questions asked."
[flashback:]
Ted: [on the phone] Hey, Lil. What's...?
Lily: Ted, I need you to come to my classroom with two dozen cupcakes and a box cutter. No questions asked.
[later, Ted arrives in Lily's classroom to find her tied to chair as a bunch of kids circle her.]
Ted: Lily? I brought the... Oh, my God.
Lily: Ted, put the cupcakes at the feet of their leader, then cut me loose. Don't make eye contact.

Marshall: [on the phone] I've never asked Lily to do anything no questions asked because I never wanted to. She's the love of my life. I never keep anything from her. Ted, put Lily on the phone.
Ted: Hey. It's Marshall.
Lily: Wanna tell me what's going on?
Marshall: Yes. I was offered a judgeship in New York. And I took it. Even though we'd already agreed to move to Rome. I'm gonna be a judge. Lily?
Lily: You know, Marshall, I don't believe in ghosts. And I'm not sure anyone died in our room. But someone's going to. [Dearduff laughing]