[As an orange-hued Robin arrives at the apartment, the gang are waiting by the "Intervention" sign]
Robin: Spray tan? They reel you in with a coupon, and then you just get hooked.
Lily: Oh, we know, sweetie, we know.
[Robin sobs and goes in for a hug with Lily]
Lily: No, no, no. This is a new sweater.

Ted: Wait, that's weird. When I was going through the closet, I thought I saw the intervention banner.
Marshall: So?
Ted: So, the banner burned up. Why is there a new one? And there are sealed letters here from all of you that say "Ted." Were you guys planning an intervention for me?
Lily: Oh, that. That was stupid. Yeah, just, just forget about that.
Ted: What was it for? The crocs? The hair product?
Marshall: Not Stella.
Ted: Oh, my God, this was about Stella.
Marshall: I just said "not Stella." So maybe it was about your poor listening skills, Ted.
Ted: What?
Marshall: It's out of control. see?

Ted: You guys don't think I should marry Stella?
Marshall: Ted, we do. We're all really happy for you.
Lily: Yeah. Like I said, it was stupid.
Ted: Well, obviously, it wasn't, Because we agreed not to have any more stupid interventions at our intervention intervention.
[flashback:]
Ted: We're having too many interventions.

Ted: So, what was your big, serious problem with me and Stella?
Barney: [enters] Yes! Yes! In everyone's face! You all said the "Future Barney" thing wouldn't work. You told me I was crazy. My shrink told me I was crazy. Well, who's the narcissist with severe attachment disorder now, Dr. Grossbard?!

Ted: I want to hear the other letters.
Lily: Ted, this is ridiculous. We changed our minds.
Ted: And suppose you change them back? Lily, come on, let's hear yours. [Ted hands Lily her letter]
Lily: "Gilbert's reading skills have improved drastically since..." Wait, this is a letter I meant to send home
with one of my kindergarteners. Uh-oh.
[flashback to Gilbert's mother reading the letter as he plays with toys in his bedroom:]
Gilbert's mother: Gilbert, are things moving too fast between you and a girl named Stella?
Gilbert: I wish.

Ted: Robin, could I hear yours?
Robin: "Dear Ted, it's 'encyclo-pee-dia, not 'encyclo-pay-dia'. Why do you always say things in the most pretentious way possible? It makes you sound douchey and that's 'douchey', not 'douch-ay.'"
Ted: Yeah, you already read that one at my pronunciation intervention. Where's the letter about Stella?
Robin: I didn't write one... I'm your ex-girlfriend. I figured anything I said on the subject would sound catty. Plus, I'm hotter than her, so who cares?

Ted: And, Lily, maybe you're right. Maybe Stella won't like any of my stuff. Like the robot cookie jar. This was, like,
the first thing we bought for this place, remember?
Marshall: Of course I do. [robotic voice] Marshall, my sensors indicate that your pecan sandy levels are dangerously low.

Ted: My collection of James Bond movies. Remember? We watched them all in order, and then... Lily spoke in that weird English accent for, like, the next month?
Lily: It was sophisticated.
All: No.

Lily: Okay, Ted has officially snapped. There are moving men coming in ten hours. His fiance is waiting for him
in New Jersey. We have to do something.
Marshall: I got this. [to Ted] Hey, Bud. Why don't you come here for a minute.
Ted: What?
Marshall: Look, I want you to know this is all totally normal. Big transitions can be scary, and cold feet... well they're just part of the deal. So... how about you give me the knife? Give me the knife. Come on. [Ted gives Marshall the knife] So I can start unpacking, too. I'm staying here right by your side
forever, buddy!
Lily: Marshall!
Marshall: Lily, our lives have been good here. That's why we've been putting off packing. Because subconsciously, we both know that it would be stupid to leave. It's safe and warm here. There's a... a bar downstairs, and a cookie robot in the kitchen. This is my home, and I'm never leaving!

Robin: Listen to you! You sound like that fat, dweeby kid at camp. "Mom, dad, I want to come home. The cool kids are playing keep-away with my inhaler."
Marshall: I can't believe my dad read that letter at our wedding.