Marshall: We delivered every single package on that truck. But I still have one package left to give. Yeah, I did. Merry Christmas. Open it, Baby.
Lily: Okay. Oh, my God. An Easy Bake Oven! I've wanted one of these ever since I was a little girl. In this exact model. I never told you that. How did you know?
[flashback to Ted and Lily at MacLaren's one month earlier:]
Marshall: It's our first Christmas since we got back together. I want to get her something really special. So I'm getting her a jukebox.
Ted: Wow, that's a great gift.
Marshall: Not really. It's this big and it dispenses gum.
Ted: Oh, man, I know something you could get her that would blow her mind. Ready? Eight years ago...
[flashback to Ted and Lily in their college dorm room eight years earlier:]
Lily: When I was a kid, all I wanted was an Easy Bake Oven. I begged and I begged, but all I got was a stupid Lego set because my feminist mom didn't want me conforming to traditional gender roles.
Ted: Easy Bake Oven, that's what I'm going to call my van. [Marshall enters] Dude, how was the concert?
Marshall: I couldn't find the outside.
[back to the present day:]
Lily: I can't believe Ted remembered after all these years.

Lily: Are you coming home?
Ted: Totally. But first, Lily, I owe you an apology.
Lily: Oh, for the love of God, are you as sick of apologies as I am?
Ted: Yes.
Lily: Can we just skip the apology and go straight to the forgiving?
Ted: Yes. And I promise, I will never ever call you a... you know, again.
Lily: That's okay. I was kind of a Grinch.
Boy: [o.s.] What's a Grinch?
Lily: Nothing. It's something you shouldn't say.
Boy: Mom, what's a Grinch?
[Stacy spittakes]
Both kids: Grinch, Grinch, Grinch...
Ted: Merry Christmas, everybody. [leaves]

Lily: I'm... a what?
Ted: I- That was Barney, that was Barney.
Lily: That was you, Ted.
Ted: That was Marshall.
Lily: Marshall left a message for Marshall?
Ted: You know, it may have been me, but it was so long ago. Man, that machine, it really garbles your voice.You know, it almost made it sound like I said...
Lily: Why would you call me that?

[flashback:]
Future Ted: [v.o.] And in almost no time, that spark turned into a roaring fire.
Marshall: Yeah. No, you're right. Lily would laugh at anything.
Barney: She'd give it up for a bad pun. I'm telling you, she's a laugh slut.
Ted: Remember that time we heard her laughing and we thought she was watching Weekend At Bernie's, but it turned out she was watching Weekend At Bernie's 2?
Barney: And her art? "I'm Lily, I'm an artist." She doesn't even own a beret.
Marshall: Yeah, and if she's such a great "artist," why does she suck at Pictionary? Who draws a ninja star like a Star of David? Right, right?
Ted: Yeah!
Marshall: Another round!

Ted: I was trying to help him. I'm his best friend. That's the best friend's job.
Lily: The best friend's job is to call me that word?
Ted: ... Yeah.

Robin: Well, at least you apologized. You apologized, didn't you?
Ted: Oh, yeah. "I'm sorry" were the first words out of my mouth.
[flashback to Lily and Ted in the apartment:]
Ted: I'm sorry, but I am not apologizing. Look, I was just trying to put the guy back together. You smashed him to pieces.
Lily: Are you seriously not going to apologize for leaving that message?
Ted: No!
Lily: Why not?
Ted: Because, Lily, this summer, you were kind of a Grinch.

Ted: [on the phone] Lily!
Lily: Merry Christmas, assface.
Ted: Um, Lily? Where are the Christmas decorations?
Lily: At my apartment.
Ted: You want to bring them back so we can celebrate Christmas together, please?
Lily: Ted, do you know what I would do if one of my kindergartners used that kind of language? I would be on the phone with their parents.
Ted: Yeah, I'm not a kindergartner.
Lily: Exactly. You know what that word means. You know that calling people names is mean and hurtful, assface.

Ted: [on the phone] Hey, dude, how's the paper going?
Marshall: Screw the paper, how's the winter wonderland? Is it magical?
Ted: Oh... so magical.
Marshall: When you walk through the door, does it feel like you've been slapped in the face by Christmas?
Ted: Sure does. Look, I gotta go.
Marshall: Come on, man, describe it! Tell me about the decorations. Is Rudolph there? He is, isn't he? Hi, Rudolph!
Ted: Ah, yeah, but, you know... decorations, is that really what Christmas is about?
Marshall: Hell, yeah! What else would it be about?
Ted: Uh, try the birth of Christ. You know, Christmas. Christ Mas, which means "More Christ" to our Spanish friends.
Marshall: Yeah, well, all I know is walking in that door and seeing the winter wonderland and seeing Lily and all you guys, just... I can't wait.
Ted: Right. I gotta go.
Marshall: Right. Okay.Oh, wait. Ted, Ted, Ted, Ted. One more thing. How about the cookies? Are they delicious?

Robin: Come on, you need eat something.
Barney: Too weak... to hold... bowl.
Robin: Fine, I'll feed you.
Barney: Ouchie in my mouth! I don't want it. I want ice cream.
Robin: No, you're not having ice cream for dinner just 'cause you're sick.
Barney: But my throat hurts.
Robin: No!
Barney: I hate you! [Robin stands up] Don't leave me.

Lily: Who is it?
Ted: [o.s.] Pizza delivery. [entering] Whoa.
Lily: Hey, you tricked me.
Ted: You really thought I was the pizza delivery guy?
Lily: No, I knew it was you. I just thought you'd at least bring a pizza.