Marshall: [inner monologue] I can't do this anymore. I'm just gonna tell him the truth.
Lily: [imaginary] When it's stomach stuff, you just say "Under the weather" or people start picturing you doing unspeakable things.
Marshall: I have food poisoning and I'm about to start volcanoing toxic sludge out of both ends!
Lily: [imaginary] Nailed it.

Lily: Hey, baby, how'd it go?
Marshall: Lily, this year, this nasty schoolyard bully of a year will not stop punching me in the face. How did we kick off 2011? My dad died. And now after five months of unemployment, I just blew my dream job. The good news is, in a few seconds, I'm gonna start heaving my guts out because that's what life is for me now, just losing what's inside until I'm just empty.

[a little ways down the road:]
Lily: Best man? You're being summoned.
Ted: Geez, what now?
[inside:]
Ted: I heard the groom needed me.
Barney: What do you think of this tie?

Zoey: I'm still unemployed, so I had to get a couple roommates.
Ted: Saving money. Making new friends. No downside.
Zoey: They're all 22 and sell drugs.
Ted: Which means they're not taking them. So, that's a win.

[flashback to Ted running into Zoey:]
Ted: Well, I can tell you're really busy so I should... I'll let you go.
Zoey: Hey, you want to get coffee sometime?
[present:]
Robin: You know "coffee" is code for "I want to get back together"?
Ted: At first I wasn't sure, but then, she said something that got me thinking.
[flashback:]
Zoey: I want to get back together.
[present:]
Barney & Robin: Urgh.
Ted: Don't worry, we're not. I just, I feel bad Zoey's having such a hard time.
Barney: You know what might make you feel better, buddy?
Ted: I'm not letting you press the button.
Barney: I want to press it!

Lily: Don't eat the soup! Thank God.
Marshall: This was about to be my third bowl. Why shouldn't I eat the soup?
[Lily vomits]
Marshall: Why shouldn't I eat the soup?

Robin: You okay?
Ted: This morning I was talking to the foreman.
[flashback to Ted talking to the building site's foreman:]
Rod: Hey, hotshot.
Ted: You know, Rod, I'm loving that nickname, and I can tell it's totally affectionate, but I'd prefer Ted.
Rod: Yeah, but you're such a hotshot, I figured I'd just call you hotshot. Pick one. And make sure you like it. There's going to be 50,000 of these in your big, hotshot building, hotshot.
[present:]
Ted: 50,000 lightbulbs! What if this one's too bright? What if this one flickers and gives everyone a weird headache? Do you know how many people it takes to change 50,000 lightbulbs?
Barney: Are these people Irish, Polish, blondes? What are we dealing with here?

Marshall: Hey, babe. The gang says feel better.
Lily: Thanks. Wait! You didn't tell them I had food poisoning, did you? Marshall, when it's stomach stuff, you just say "under the weather", or people start picturing you doing unspeakable things.
Marshall: I know. I just said that you had the sniffles. No one is picturing anything but little red-nosed you under a blankie with some hot tea.
[meanwhile at MacLaren's:]
Barney: I wonder what end it's coming out of Lily right now.
Robin: I bet it's her tushie.
Barney: I bet it's both. [imitates explosions] Hey, speaking of explosions... Enough already, Ted! That button's mine!

Barney: We got to stop Ted. Where are they meeting?
Robin: Okay, Zoey wrote, "Meet me at 6:00, where it all began, where you gave me the orchid at the intersection."
Barney: Well, that's good. All we have to do is think back to the time Ted told us about his first date with Zoey.
[flashback to Ted describing meeting Zoey:]
Ted: Amazing first date with Zoey! We met at the intersection [trombone squeaking]
[present:]
Barney: You weren't listening either?
Robin: I was in a coma. I mean, who pays attention to that sappy romantic crap?
Both: Lily!

Ted: [on answer phone] Anyway, listen, I was going to get back together with Zoey today, but I came to my senses on the way out here, so... False alarm. Oh, crap. Just stepped in some gum. I'm getting back together with Zoey!