Ted: [to elderly woman] Excuse me. Can you give this to the blonde sitting alone in there and tell her Ted's really sorry? Also... Indirect sunlight. Don't overwater. Half a cup a week is more than enough.
[Ted, Robin and Barney watch as the woman enters the cafe, walks right past Zoey and gives the flower to a different blonde woman. As the woman smiles at Ted, he awkwardly waves back.]
Future Ted: [v.o.] And kids... that's how I met your mother. Psych. It was just some chick.

Ted: There's so many decisions to be made. What if I make all the wrong ones and my building just sucks?
Barney: Not possible. Your building is new. And I have one rule. New is always better.
Ted: You can't keep saying you have one rule if they're always different.
Barney: Ah, but "new is always better" is my oldest rule, which makes it the best.

Robin: [to Ted] Mr. Architect, big day for you tomorrow, huh?
Barney: Yeah, getting to stand next to me while I press the button. That is going to be legend... wait for it... dary adjacent. Legendary adjacent!

Barney: Why would Ted get back together with Zoey? He's doing great.
Robin: Well, after a breakup, we all think we're doing great. I guess sometimes the tiniest trigger can unravel you and send you crawling right back.
Barney: No, I refuse to believe that Ted is getting back with Zoey because of lightbulbs.
Robin: Uh, Ted's gone back for less.
[flashback to Ted in the kitchen as he runs out of squirty cream:]
Ted: Hi, Natalie. You want to get coffee sometime?
[flashback to a hideously sunburnt Ted struggling to apply lotion to himself:]
Ted: Bro.
Barney: Ted, I only have one rule.
Ted: But I can't reach the worst part. [on the phone] Hi, Karen. Want to get coffee sometime?
[flashback to Ted watching TV:]
Announcer: [on TV] Coming up next, our two local pandas, Ming Ming and Bao Bao, are expecting a baby.
Ted: Robin, you want to get coffee sometime...?
Robin: [blows raspberry] Get it together, bro.

Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, in the spring of 2011, Zoey and I broke up. But the good news... Goliath National Bank was finally ready to demolish The Arcadian and build the new headquarters I'd designed for them. The only problem was I kept butting heads with my project supervisor on one very important issue.
Ted: I want to press the button to blow up The Arcadian!
Barney: I want to press it!
Ted: No, I want to press it!
Barney: I want to press it!
Robin: Guys, I dated you both and neither of you is good at pressing or even finding the button. After some awkward pawing around, that building is going to fake an implosion, say, "Baby, that was great", and go to sleep.
Both: She means you.

Future Ted: [v.o.] Sadly, that's all you need to know about my summer. Around this time, Uncle Marshall was still having a tough time finding a job.
Lily: He's out printing out a whole new batch of resumes because he misspelled the phrase "detail-oriented."
Lily: And when he gets back home, he is going to find his favorite soup there waiting for him.
Robin: That's sweet, Lily, but didn't you guys get food poisoning here one time?
Lily: Three times. But they're really nice about it. Their policy is, "Get sick, get a free gallon of soup".

Robin: Everything okay?
Marshall: Lily got food poisoning from some soup. And then I ate the soup, exactly three hours later. Which means I can see exactly three hours into my future, and it doesn't... look... good.
Marshall: [v.o.] I tried to be supportive.
[flashback to Lily throwing up in the bathroom:]
Lily: Oh, baby, can you just hold me, please?
Marshall: Of course, baby.
Marshall: [v.o.] But it doesn't help that when Lily gets going she sounds like a velociraptor from Jurassic Park.

Marshall: But then I realized... a man can do a lot of living in three hours. So, I'm out experiencing this beautiful, crazy dance called life. Ah, my last meal. MacClaren's famous jalapeno poppers. My doctor says I need to eat healthier, so I figured the round-trip flight these babies are about to take will land them permanently on the no-fry list. Good-bye, my friend. It's been a hell of a ride.

Lily: Yeah, I wasn't listening, either. Ted really can go on about a bitch.
Robin: Great. He could be anywhere. We're flat out of clues.
Lily: Hey, wait. Ted left a message. I couldn't hear it 'cause I was in the bathroom... blowing my nose. I have the sniffles.
Ted: [on answer phone] Hey, Lily, hope you're feeling better. Marshall told us you're exploding from both ends like a busted fire hydrant.
Lily: Damn it, Marshall.

Barney: Yeah, almost as bad as us.
Robin: We were a mess. Do you remember how awful I looked by the end? My hair was falling out, my skin was gray, my back was hunched.
Barney: What about me? I got so fat, at the end of a date, you'd unhook my bra.
Robin: You were the only boyfriend I ever motorboated.