Robin: And now that we're hooking up, we're not fighting anymore.
Ted: Problem solved. Actually, the credit belongs to Barney. This whole idea came out of your thing about world peace.
Robin: Yeah, thanks, Barney. You were right. Peace was achieved. Repeatedly. [Ted and Robin high five]
Barney: So I'm responsible for... Excellent. Excellent. Excellent. Uh... Next round's on me!

Lily: Hey, are you okay?
Barney: Yeah. Why do you ask?
Lily: Well, for one thing, you're openly weeping.
Barney: With joy. So happy for those two.
Lily: Barney, admit it. You still have feelings for Robin and this is killing you.
Barney: I am totally fine. Now, excuse me for just a minute.
[Barney steps out into the alleyway and smashes and old TV that was in the dumpster. He returns to the bar:]
Barney: I'm totally fine.

Lily: Barney, you have to learn how to express these feelings. Maybe you should talk to a psychiatrist.
Barney: [scoffs] Please. If I'm gonna pay some woman $200 an hour to make me feel better, we aren't going to be talking. And we're both going to be on that couch. The woman in this scenario is a prostitute. A dirty, skanky, surgically enhanced, Eastern European...
Lily: I got it.

Robin: We wouldn't even be talking about this if Marshall could read a magazine at work.
Lily: Oh, he's always been this way. Remember law school?
Marshall: Sure do.
[flashback to Lily crying on the sofa in the apartment as Marshall returns home]
Marshall: Baby, what is it?
Lily: [sobbing] The credit card bill came today. You checked into a hotel two blocks from school on a Tuesday.
Marshall: It's not what you think.
Lily: Who is she, Marshall? What's her name?
Marshall: Burrito. Carnitas Burrito.
[present:]
Robin: So, you checked into a hotel room just so you could read a magazine there?
Marshall: Hey, Robin, do you want me to see if the waitress has any giant sugar cubes for that high horse of yours? [high-fives Lily]

Ted: I can't believe it. You drank all my milk again!
Robin: We can have sex.
Ted: Okay.
[later, at MacLaren's:]
Ted: It's the perfect set up. Anytime we start getting into an argument, we just have sex instead. One minute we're just laying into each other, and then the next minute... Well, same thing.
Barney: Awesome.
[Barney smashes another TV out back]

Ted: So, this morning, she's yelling at me through the door, "You're taking too long in the shower!" Next thing I know, she hops in. Now baby? Don't mind I took my time.
Barney: So awesome.
[Barney smashes another TV out back]

Future Ted: [v.o.] Meanwhile, Marshall was still struggling at work.
Heidi: [on the magazine cover] Coming through. Big breakfast this morning. You know what that means.
Future Ted: But then came the best news he'd heard in a long time.
Woman: And did you hear? They laid off everybody on the eighth floor.
Man: I know. It's a ghost town down there.

Ted: Morning.
Robin: Morning.
Ted: Hey, that was fun last night.
Robin: Word, that was a good one. Mental note: don't throw out the pizza box more often. All right, see you later.
[Ted kisses Robin on his way out]
Ted: Uh-oh.
Robin: Uh-oh.

Ted: So, last night, Robin left a pizza box out on the floor, so we had sex three times.
Marshall: Sure.
Ted: And then, this morning before I left for work... we kissed.
Marshall: Oh, that's weird. That is weird.
Ted: Right? That kiss violated the spirit of our whole arrangement. I mean, she probably thinks I'm getting feelings for her.
Marshall: Well, are you?
Barney: Yes, I'm in love with her. [laughs] Is what you... That's you, dude.

Lily: I tried to warn you. When exes relapse, someone always gets hurt. But no one listened. Story of my life. My cuteness interferes with people hearing my message.