‘Benefits’
Season 4, Episode 12 - Aired January 12, 2009
After Ted and Robin get on each other's nerves as roommates, they discover that being friends with benefits helps avoid arguments. Meanwhile, Marshall is too embarrassed to use the bathroom at work.
Quote from Barney
Robin: [to Lily] Well, what should I do?
[elsewhere:]
Barney: [to Ted] There's only one thing to do. You have to stop sleeping together, please.
Quote from Marshall
Robin: By the way, Marshall, what were you doing back in our apartment? I thought you had the perfect situation.
Marshall: I did.
[flashback to Marshall taking a magazine down to the eighth floor:]
Marshall: [v.o.] Everything was going great. I was feeling more comfortable, more confident. I felt I could take on the world. Until one morning, I took my magazine down to the eighth floor.
Contractor: We gotta gut this whole place. I need these walls taken out here and here.
Builder: You got it.
Marshall: Celebrities pick up their dry cleaning? I pick up my dry cleaning. [a sledgehammer smashes through the wall] Ah! Don't come in!
Quote from Ted
Ted: It bothers you that Robin and I are hooking up, doesn't it?
Barney: No. Not at all. That's crazy. What?
Ted: Are you in love with Robin?
Quote from Barney
Barney: Congratulations.
Marshall: Thanks. I was gonna have to do it eventually. You know, sometimes you just gotta... you gotta man up and... and just go for it.
Barney: I have to go. By the way, I have a bathroom here if you ever want to use it. [exits]
Marshall: Son of a...
Quote from Barney
Barney: [enters apartment] Ted, I have to tell you the truth. I'm in love with... [sees Robin] tacos. What are you doing?
Robin: I'm taking out the triz-ash. If you're... looking for Ted, he left. And... our little arrangement is over, by the way.
Barney: Really? That's awes... ful.
Robin: Awesful?
Barney: Yeah, it's just awesful.
Quote from Barney
Barney: What happened?
Robin: He just insisted. He said he couldn't do it anymore because "someone's gonna get hurt." I think we all know who he meant by that.
Barney: Do we?
Robin: Isn't it obvious?
Barney: Is it?
Robin: Yeah, it's Ted. You know what a romantic he is. He can't separate the physical from the emotional. He's all like...
Barney: I love you.
Robin: Exactly. He's not like you, you know? Besides, we're friends. I don't want to screw that up by getting involved. Dating friends never works out. So... you want to get a taco?
Barney: A taco?
Robin: You love them, remember?
Barney: Right.
Robin: Come on, I'm hungry.
Quote from Future Ted
Future Ted: [v.o.] So Robin and I went back to just being roommates and things went back to normal. Your Aunt Lily was right. When two exes decide to just be casual, someone always gets hurt. It just wasn't one of us.