Lorelai: So, I brought us some coffee.
Rory: Why, I'm shocked.
Lorelai: Triple caps, easy foam. If that doesn't work, we'll stick our fingers in a light socket. [picks up Rory's bag] Wow, what, do they expect you to get smart all in one day?
Rory: Oh, they expect a lot of things.
Lorelai: So, tell me.
Rory: I don't know. It was just one big, long scary, tweedy, bad eight hours.
Lorelai: Add some hair spray, and you've got my day.

Rory: One of the girls already hates me. The guys are weird.
Lorelai: Weirder than other guys?
Rory: Yeah, they kept calling me Mary.
Lorelai: You're kidding me. Wow, I can't believe they still say that.
Rory: Why? What does it mean?
Lorelai: Mary, like Virgin Mary. It means they think you look like a goody-goody.
Rory: You're kidding.
Lorelai: No.
Rory: Well, what would they have called me if they thought I looked like a slut?
Lorelai: Well, they might have added a Magdalene to it.
Rory: Wow. Biblical insults. This is an advanced school.

Lane: It was so weird not having you in school today. I mean, I finally noticed some of the other kids. Let me just say, they are a sad lot.

Lane: Oh, no. What time is it?
Rory: 6:30.
Lane: I'm late for dinner.
Lorelai: Again? Lane, your mother is gonna kill me if I keep sending you home fed and happy.
Lane: I'm sorry. But she found a website that sells tofu in bulk.
Lorelai: You're kidding, right?
Lane: Yesterday, she went out and bought a bigger fridge.

Lorelai: A pizza for your thoughts.
Rory: I wish I could figure out a way to get Paris off my back.
Lorelai: Yeah, angry chicks are the worst. When I was in high school, I had a Paris.
Rory: Yeah?
Lorelai: Yeah, she was horrible.
Rory: How'd you get rid of her?
Lorelai: I got pregnant and dropped out.

Lorelai: Do you want me to talk to anybody? A parent, a teacher, a big guy named Moose?
Rory: I'll just figure it out for myself.
Lorelai: Okay.
Rory: [chuckles] What? I was thinking about the way Paris' face looked when I beat her to that Martin Luther question.
Lorelai: [gasps] Good, huh?
Rory: Fourteen shades of purple.
Lorelai: Cool.
Rory: Tomorrow I'm shooting for 15.

Lorelai: What do you think of Luke?
Rory: What do you mean?
Lorelai: I mean, do you think he's cute?
Rory: Oh, no. No way.
Lorelai: No way, what?
Rory: You cannot date Luke.
Lorelai: I said nothing about dating Luke.
Rory: If you date him, you'll break up and we'll never be able to eat there again.
Lorelai: I repeat, I said nothing about dating Luke.
Rory: Date Al from Pancake World, his food stinks.
Lorelai: I cannot believe what I'm hearing. Al's food does not stink, Al stinks.

Lorelai: Hey, guys, I have an idea. What about, on Tuesdays and Thursdays, you know, when I go to Hartford for my business class what if Lane comes along, and you guys can shop and study and join a cult and shave your heads?
Rory: Really?
Lorelai: All except the shaving your heads part.

Lorelai: I don't have any clean clothes.
Rory: It's 7:15.
Lorelai: All my nice things were dirty.
Rory: It's 7:16.
Lorelai: Oh, my God. I was gonna wear my blue suit with the flippy skirt. I look so great in the flippy skirt.
Rory: It's 7:17.
Lorelai: Okay, you know what, time lady? Why don't you go downstairs and warm up the car. That would be really super. Thank you.
Rory: Just hurry!
Lorelai: This sucks! This sucks! This sucks!
Rory: [o.s.] It's 7:18.
Lorelai: For the love of God! This is the last time I buy anything just because it's furry!

Miss Patty: Visualize, ladies. It's a Thanksgiving Day parade. You're standing on Fifth Avenue. There's 100 beautiful boys marching in place behind you. And there you are. You are in front with your fabulous legs and your perfect tush. Your baton is on fire, and the crowd goes nuts! Okay, cookie time. Lorelai, hi.
Lorelai: Hey, Patty.
Miss Patty: Isn't today Rory's first day at Chilton?
Lorelai: Yeah, she's there right now. I just got through dropping her off.
Miss Patty: Is that what you wore?
Lorelai: Oh, look at the time. See you, Patty.
Miss Patty: Bye. Ladies, what do I see? Naked girls. No, no, keep those leotards on. This is not Brazil.