Lorelai: Oh, what a surprise! A plate of cookies on the coffee table to match the basket of cupcakes on the reception desk.
Sookie: What? I always do this.
Sookie: Oh, you always do this when a photographer from American Travel magazine is coming to photograph us for-
Both: One of the Top Ten Inns in Connecticut.
Sookie: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Lorelai: You know, I moved the furniture in the bedrooms around four times last night.
Sookie: And you ended up?
Lorelai: With everything in exactly the same place I started with. Oh, the dining room looks beautiful.
Sookie: Thank you.
Lorelai: And, what a surprise, a cake on every table.
Sookie: So no one has to share.

Sookie: How was California?
Michel: Ah, you know, it is insanity. What is different about me?
Sookie: You're wearing sunglasses inside?
Michel: They're not sunglasses. They are eyewear. Everyone in Los Angeles wears pairs and pairs of eyewear.

Lorelai: Well, you look great.
Michel: Oh, I tell you, I belong out there. Everybody is thin and gorgeous. Oh, there is this place on Sunset Boulevard, a Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf, and everybody there talks exactly like me.
Lorelai: Wow.
Michel: I got Botox.
Sookie: Ow.
Michel: Dr. Wu, oh, she's a genius. Everyone goes there. And look. I got them done by the same guy who does Nick Lachey.

Michel: Okay, gather around. I brought gifts.
Lorelai: Gifts, great!
Michel: Oh, the shopping out there, unbelievable. Rodeo Drive, dig a hole and drop me in, even if I'm not dead yet. Okay, for you and for you.
Lorelai: Huh?
Michel: It's a smog globe. They are so funny in California.
Sookie: Well, what do you know. He's Just Not That Into You.
Michel: I heard it's a fabulous book, and so true.

Michel: Oh, I haven't told you the most amazing part yet.
Lorelai: You got your boobs done by the same guy who did Pamela Anderson?
Michel: No, though I did meet him at the Coffee Bean. I was at this place called the Farmer's Market, and I was just sitting there, minding anybody's business, and a man came up to me and asked if I would like to be a contestant on the Price is Right.
Lorelai: You're kidding.
Michel: I was so stunned. I mean, I never considered being on a game show, but I was finished with my Bubble Tea, so I figured, why not?

Sookie: Boy, that's weird. Jackson's cousin Monty did the Price is Right, and he told us that the contestants had to get up at the crack of dawn, sit in line for hours with hundreds of tourists, and then show how enthusiastic of a contestant they would be. You know, jumping up and down, screaming and yelling.
Michel: You don't say.
Sookie: Yeah.
Michel: And they had to wear embarrassing t-shirts that said things like "Pick Me, Bob! I neutered my dog!" And they spent weeks studying the price of Turtle wax and Hamburger Helper.
Michel: Okay, fine! I may have jumped a little, but I did not wear a t-shirt.
Lorelai: Michel. What would Nick Lachey's teeth guy say?
Michel: Make fun if you want, but I walked away the winner of over a $100,000 of cash and prizes.

Lorelai: [on the phone] Where are you going?
Rory: You know where I'm going, Mom.
Lorelai: Disneyland?
Rory: Nope.
Lorelai: Puppy world?
Rory: You're so immature. You're going to make me say it?
Lorelai: Say what?
Rory: I am on my way to Friday night dinner.
Lorelai: Ah-ha-ha! That's right. You're on the road to Hellville.

Lorelai: [on the phone] Listen, enjoy your glazed woodcock with a side of truffled goose head.

Kirk: You know, Lulu's my first real girlfriend. I had an imaginary girlfriend for a while when I was young, but she left me.
Luke: Well, that happens.
Kirk: I wish Lulu and I could have what you and Lorelai have.
Luke: Oh, you can have that, Kirk. You will have that. In fact, why don't you leave, and go have it right now?
Kirk: You know, I live with my mother.
Luke: Apparently I'm officially in this conversation, don't know how it happened, but...
Kirk: My mother is allergic to Lulu. The minute Lulu comes in the room, my mother will cough and choke and turn red. Her throat closes up, everything gets puffy. Lulu's tried everything. She changed her soap, her perfume, shampoo, cream rinse, deodorant. She's actually kind of a mess right now. But nothing seems to work.
Luke: Kirk.
Kirk: Obviously I can't have Mother choking three times a week, so I considered constructing a separate entrance to my room, so that Lulu won't actually have to walk through the house, but that's going to cost about forty thousand dollars, 'cause I'd have to break through a bearing wall...

Luke: Kirk, stop! This is ridiculous. You're a grown man. You have got to change your living situation.
Kirk: My mother won't move out. I've asked.
Luke: I'm not talking about your mother. I'm talking about you.
Kirk: Me?
Luke: Yes, you. Get a life. Get some independence. Get out of there.
Kirk: But-
Luke: You want to have a real relationship with Lulu?
Kirk: Yes.
Luke: Then grow up. Be a man.
Kirk: I'm not sure I understand what you're saying to me.
Luke: Well, Kirk, I have given you the Lincoln logs, and you have to build the cabin. Lock the door behind you.
Kirk: You're not talking about a real cabin, are you? 'Cause if a new entrance is going to cost forty grand, then a cabin has got to be more.
Luke: Good night, Kirk!