Luke: There's nothing in here but ice cream, candy bars, cookie dough, canned frosting. Why are you not four hundred and fifty pounds?
Lorelai: I know. Scientists call it the Lorelai Paradox.

Lorelai: Wow, did you see that?
Luke: You know, if someone opened a store in this town selling giant butterfly nets, they'd make a fortune.
Lorelai: Come on, the crazy need love too.

Lorelai: Okay, floor looks good, table looks good. Hey, what happened to our books?
Sookie: What do you mean?
Lorelai: All our beautiful, leather-bound books. Jonathon Swift, Edith Wharton, Charles Dickens. A lot of them are gone.
Sookie: The guests must have swiped 'em.
Lorelai: They swiped Jonathon Swift and left me with Clifford, the Big Red Dog and five copies of He's Just Not That Into You.
Sookie: We've been airplane booked.

Luke: I don't care who's winning.
Lorelai: Well, then you won't care if it's me.
Luke: Well, of course it's you. You're the one who makes the costumes for the Christmas pageant. You make the ornaments for the Firelight Festival. You go to the town meetings. You say hello to people. You have a daughter that looks like she belongs on top of a Christmas tree. Everybody knows that gets you tons of points.

Lorelai: [on the phone] Oh, this dress is too slutty.
Rory: The dress is fine. The person in it, however...
Lorelai: You're breaking up. [imitates static] The- The house is going through a tunnel. You're breaking up, I...

Emily: What on earth is wrong with you, besides the obvious lack of fashion sense?
Luke: What are you-
Emily: I told you to get back together with Lorelai. I told you exactly what to do and exactly what to say. What do you need, a cheat sheet?
Luke: Emily.
Luke: Some flash cards, some Sesame Street characters to sing a song about it?
Luke: Look!
Emily: Do you think that it was easy for me to come to you like that? Do you think I enjoyed it? Like I was just sitting around my house thinking, hmm, what shall I do tonight? I know, I can drive to Stars Hollow and humiliate myself at the local greasy spoon!
Luke: Okay, I am in the middle of-
Emily: I don't care what you're in the middle of! My family is being torn apart because for some reason you are incapable of taking simple instructions and putting your relationship back together.

Kirk: Ribbons here! Return your ribbons here! That's right, folks! Thank you, sir. In the box, ma'am. Ribbons here, return your ribbons here!
Luke: Kirk, stop that.
Kirk: Can't stop yet, Luke. Haven't got them all yet.
Luke: I mean it, put the box away.
Kirk: Luke, you and Lorelai have reconciled.
Luke: I know, Kirk. I was there.
Kirk: And since you two have reconciled, it's only appropriate that the citizens of Stars Hollow take off their pins and start to heal. In my case, literally. I caught about an inch of chest-flesh with this sharp little sucker.

Luke: What's that?
Lorelai: My pretty, pretty face?
Luke: That's a Weston's coffee cup.
Lorelai: Is it?
Luke: You bring an enemy coffee cup in here on the day of our reconciliation.
Lorelai: At least I didn't ask you for a favor on this, the day of our daughter's wedding.

Luke: Get that coffee out of here.
Lorelai: This is not coffee. This is a mocha chocolate caramel swirl-a-chino with extra whip cream.
Luke: That sounds disgusting.
Lorelai: It is. And if it was physically possible to make love to a hot beverage, this would be the one.
Luke: So apparently I've got competition.
Lorelai: No, no, no. It's just a fling. I'll finally spend the night with it, but then when I see it in the morning with the caramel un-swirled and the whip cream un-whipped, huh! Buh-bye.

Rory: My mom took me to see Caroline, or Change in New York - Tony Kushner's musical - and it was the most amazing thing we ever saw. Tony Kushner wrote Angels in America.
Logan: I know who Tony Kushner is.
Rory: So you've seen his plays?
Logan: No, my mom plays Canasta with him every month he's in town.
Rory: Tony Kushner plays Canasta with your mother?
Logan: Badly, but yes.
Rory: You have a magical life, Huntzberger! And you don't even know it.
Lorelai: So, where to next?
Rory: Oh, I don't know. Mahjong with Mamet?