Rory: It doesn't matter if you tell me about Max or not. You'll break up again anyway.
Lorelai: Excuse me.
Rory: That's what you do best.
Lorelai: Stop right there.
Rory: You'll break up, cry, get back together, break up. It doesn't really matter. I'd rather not have to keep track. So tell me when you're down to the final inning.
Lorelai: You know what, that is way too snotty a thing even for alternate-universe Rory to say. I'd like an apology.
Rory: Fine, I apologize. Let's go home.
Lorelai: Yeah. Let's go home and try that apology again.

Lorelai: Wanna play?
Rory: One, two, three?
Lorelai: I'll go first.
Rory: And one.
[An older man walks by the cafe window]
Lorelai: Pass.
Rory: Why?
Lorelai: Because I'm not Anna Nicole Smith. Next.
Lorelai: Two.
[A young guy skateboards past the cafe]
Lorelai: Pass.
Rory: Why?
Lorelai: Because I'm not Mary Kay Letourneau.

Luke: What are you looking for?
Lorelai: My new husband.
Rory: She's already passed up two good prospects.
Lorelai: But I'm feeling good about number three.
Luke: Do I want to know?
Rory: Hey, Luke came to the table. Is he number three?
Luke: No.
Lorelai: You don't know what we're doing.
Luke: The safest answer in anything involving both of you is no.

Lorelai: We're playing "One, two, three, he's yours."
Luke: I didn't ask.
Rory: You can take the first guy that walks by. Or if you decide to pass, assuming there's somebody better out there, you can take the next guy what walks by. Or, if you don't take him, you're automatically stuck with the third guy.
Lorelai: Got it?
Luke: I'm not playing.
Lorelai: Well, of course not. It's still my turn.

Rory: All right, guy number three is crossing the street right now.
Luke: Why am I looking?
Lorelai: Because it's like a train wreck.
[Kirk walks across the road]
Lorelai: Oh, no!
Rory: Daddy.
Lorelai: Not Kirk.
Rory: Maybe he'll buy me a pony.
Lorelai: I wanna go back to the old guy.

Kirk: Okay, did someone put the 'kick me' sign on my back again? It wasn't funny last week and it's not funny now. I have asthma.

Lorelai: [on the phone] Make a gorilla sound.
Max Medina: Why?
Lorelai: I wanna play Wild Kingdom.
Max Medina: I am not making a gorilla sound.
Lorelai: I'll tell you what color underwear I'm wearing. [Max is silent] Had you considering the gorilla sound, didn't I?
Max Medina: Yep.
Lorelai: I'm good.
Max Medina: Okay, I need you to be serious now.
Lorelai: Says the man with no pants.

Lane: I just thought you might like to note for future reference that Dean is not in the store on Wednesdays, so you can mark it on that list you're hiding that says where Dean is so you can avoid him at anytime.
Rory: I was not avoiding the market.
Lane: Oh, my mistake.
Rory: I wasn't.

Luke: I had a couple of things to pick up.
Lorelai: At the Cat Club?
Luke: Yeah.
Lorelai: At the Cat Club?
Luke: Yeah, I did, okay?
Lorelai: Okay. I just never took you for a cat lover or a 97-year-old woman. Hey, what'd you buy?
Luke: Nothing.
Lorelai: But you got a bag there.
Luke: I know.
Lorelai: It's got a cat paw stamped on it and a catnip bow. [Luke hands Lorelai the bag] Wise man. Wow, potholders.
Luke: Yes.
Lorelai: Little kitty potholders. They meow.
Luke: It's a present.
Lorelai: For someone you hate?

Dean: Hello? Lane are you here? [Mrs. Kim pops out from behind a piece of furniture] Jeez.
Mrs. Kim: Who are you? Why you call Lane?
Dean: I...
Mrs. Kim: How you know her? You date her?
Dean: No.
Mrs. Kim: You try to?
Dean: No!
Mrs. Kim: Then why you here? Empty your pockets!
Dean: OK. I'm gonna go now.