Paris: You didn't take one note. You resorting to the osmosis theory of learning?
Rory: Why do you care?
Paris: I don't. Just making an observation.
Rory: Great. We'll build a dome over you and jam a telescope in your head.

Lorelai: Try on the suit again.
Luke: I already tried it on twice.
Lorelai: I wanna see it with the black shirt.
Luke: I'm not wearing a black suit with a black shirt.
Lorelai: Regis does.
Luke: Okay, you've won me over now.

Lorelai: Rory, I'm back for round two. I got some Silly String in case things get really ugly.

Emily: You want to talk about what happened?
Richard: Emily, don't pry.
Emily: I'm not prying.
Richard: The girl obviously needs some peace.
Emily: How do you know that?
Richard: I can tell.
Emily: Oh, you're a mind reader now. How nice. We'll get you a turban and a booth by the train station.

Lorelai: She's with my parents in Hartford.
Max Medina: Good.
Lorelai: Good?
Max Medina: Bad?
Lorelai: Bad. Very bad.
Max Medina: She's safe.
Lorelai: She's with my mother. No one is safe with my mother.
Max Medina: She needed some space.
Lorelai: No, that house is not safe. It's like The Amityville Horror without all the good times.

Rory: So, Grandpa, what's new in the world today?
Richard: As usual, it's going to hell in a handbasket.
Rory: It's nice to have something you can always count on.
Richard: It is, at that. Would you like part of the paper?
Rory: Please.

Emily: So, do you get your lunch at school, or do you bring it with you? Because Rosa made a fabulous leg of lamb yesterday. I bet it would make a wonderful sandwich.
Richard: Take her up on that. It is good. And demand a slice of strudel.
Rory: Okay. I demand some strudel.
Emily: Good.

Lorelai: I just want to tell you that I think you are scum.
Dean: Gee, thanks.
Lorelai: You are going to be hard-pressed to find another girl as fantastic as Rory. You know that?
Dean: What are you-
Lorelai: She is beautiful and smart and did not deserve to be treated that way by you.
Dean: Treated what way?
Lorelai: I thought you were a good guy. I thought you were going to make her happy. I was such an idiot. I thought you were a good pick. But I was wrong, and I hate to be wrong.
Dean: I am sick and tired of everyone blaming this thing on me. I mean, you and this whole stupid town looking at me like I'm a criminal. I say, "I love you", and she just sits there, and I'm the jerk? I'm the bad guy?
Lorelai: What?
Dean: You know what? Fine, think what you want. I don't care. Just leave me alone.

Lorelai: You know, I'm still learning this stuff, too. And since I'm still learning, I think I haven't thought enough about what I'm supposed to be teaching you.
Rory: What are you talking about?
Lorelai: I'm talking about my own personal lack of commitment skills. [sighs] I mean, look, I love that you have my eyes and my coffee addiction and my taste in music and movies. But when it comes to love and relationships I don't necessarily want you to be like me. I'd hate to think that I raised a kid who couldn't say "I love you".
Rory: Mom.
Lorelai: I'm not talking specifically about Dean. I mean, just generally in life.

Rory: I was almost tempted to see if she could make a Pop-Tart.
Lorelai: Wow, home-cooked breakfast, homemade lunch. I'm trying to remember why I left there. Oh, yeah, my parents.
Rory: Funny, funny girl.