Sookie: No more pork!
Lorelai: Finally, something to put on our business card.
Sookie: I'm tired of it. I am out of interesting ways to serve it and I'm not buying it anymore. I want another other white meat.
Lorelai: Mugsy raised the price on you again, huh?
Sookie: That pig-hoarding bastard.

Sookie: Ooo, what's in the bag? And that is...
Lorelai: A bag of Santa beards.
Sookie: Naturally.
Lorelai: I need twenty-five dark beards for Fiddler on the Roof. I drove to four different towns and six different costume shops and this is all I could find. Apparently Lieberman's the only Jew in Connecticut.

Sookie: So, what route did you take to work today?
Lorelai: Oh, the usual. You know, Main Street to Oak and then a sharp starboard turn at the marina and four nautical miles to the inn.
Sookie: You saw it.
Lorelai: Oh, yeah.
Sookie: Rats.
Lorelai: I saw the back of the boat driving from Weston's, I saw the front of the boat from the bank and then I went upstairs to the post office and I got a nice aerial shot of the boat. Basically, I took the White House tour of the boat.

Kirk: Hey, Luke. You're helping out here?
Luke: Oh, yeah. Sets. How about you?
Kirk: I'm playing Tevye.
Luke: You're...?
Carrie: Come on, kids. Chop, chop.
Kirk: Excuse me, my director's calling.

Kirk: I'll just be two minutes and then it's L'Chaim to Life.

Lorelai: Hey, Moulin Rouge, what do you think? Jeweled elephant in one corner, Ewan McGregor in the other.
Sookie: Ooo, sounds yummy.

Kirk: It pulls too easily and the wheel doesn't wobble.
Luke: So what?
Kirk: Well, it's too good. You built me a twenty-first century dairy cart.
Luke: There's no such thing as a twenty-first century dairy cart.
Kirk: Exactly. Look, Tevye's a poor man. I mean, you've heard the song.
Luke: Yes, I've heard the song, Kirk.
Kirk: Okay, so he's poor. He's tired. He's suffering, and his horse is lame. His life is hard, so pulling this cart should be hard.
Luke: You're an actor. Pretend it's hard.
Kirk: I'm not that kind of actor. For my type of work, it has to be legitimately hard. [Luke kicks the cart]
Luke: There you go. Remember to thank me in your acceptance speech.
Kirk: Thank you, Luke. Hey, this is impossible!

Lorelai: Is Rory here? 'Cause I could wait outside, or-
Paris: I'm making you uncomfortable.
Doyle: Yes.
Paris: Her. Not you.
Lorelai: No, I'm fine. You two should be alone.
Paris: I'm so sorry. I shouldn't be talking about love, or sex, especially since you-
Lorelai: Since I...
Paris: Don't have any.
Lorelai: Rory! Are you here?

Doyle: You look so hot when you find me annoying.
Paris: Then I must be Gisele Bundchen to you 24/7.

Paris: Listen, Lorelai? If you decide that your breakup is something that you want to talk about, please let me know.
Lorelai: Okay, Paris.
Paris: And let me know before Tuesday, because I'm doing a paper for my Emotional Mental Health class about how women of a certain age cope with loneliness, and I think you'd be a great lead-off antidote.
Rory: You can't take her. She's trained in Krav Maga.
Lorelai: Damn it.