Paris: You couldn't possibly be wondering what I'm doing here.
Rory: I couldn't?
Paris: The debate's Friday. We need more preparation.
Rory: More preparation? Paris, no two people know more about assisted suicide than the two of us. Kevorkian called today for a couple of tips.

Paris: Dairy's bad because of the mucus. You haven't had any dairy in the last 48 hours, have you?
Rory: On my cereal this morning.
Paris: Jeez. Okay, well, there's a solution of salt water and vinegar that can help cut that.

Lorelai: Where were you? I thought we would meet by the vending machines for a little pre-debate non-dairy snack.
Rory: Yeah, sorry, Paris wanted to do a sound check and she found some problems with the acoustics in the room.
Paris: The layout on this row of seats is causing a bass problem. We've got to move this whole row over a foot. Just move these people out. [speaks Spanish]

Sookie: Chris, I've told you about Sookie.
Christopher: Yes, you have. The famous Sookie.
Sookie: The famous Christopher.
Christopher: I hear you're the greatest chef after Alain Ducasse.
Sookie: After Alain Ducasse? Who said "after"?

Lorelai: Oh, they're probably gonna want something to eat and drink!
Rory: Well, company usually does.
Lorelai: We have nothing.
Rory: We must have something.
Lorelai: Not unless divine providence has placed a brie-and-cracker plate in the fridge.
Rory: We have leftover Halloween candy.
Lorelai: And waste that on company?
Rory: Well, having company is about making sacrifices.
Lorelai: Martha Stewart?
Rory: I paraphrased Proust.
Lorelai: I should have known.

Lane: [on the phone] Humongous snag in the CD drop plan.
Rory: What happened?
Lane: Bible class has been moved an hour later to accommodate the teacher's handball schedule.
Rory: The Reverend plays handball?
Lane: I'm just as appalled. So, it's at 10:00 instead of 9:00.
Rory: I'll make the necessary adjustments.
Lane: Thank you, thank you, thank you. So, anything new?
Rory: My dad brought his girlfriend to my debate.
Lane: The potential stepmom? My God. What's she like? What'd she say? Tell me in 11 seconds 'cause that's the time I have left.
Rory: That's too much pressure.
Lane: Then write a long, descriptive letter and slip it into the CD booklet. Include a candid Polaroid of her if you can.
Rory: I'll try.
Lane: Gotta go.

Richard: Now, wow who wants a drink? Martini, Manhattan, some Scotch?
Lorelai: Yes, please.
Richard: You want to narrow that down?
Lorelai: Hooch is hooch, Dad.

Richard: Your work has you traveling, too.
Christopher: Some.
Richard: Everyone thinks that traveling on business is so glamorous. But what they don't realize is that the business traveler never sees the places he visits. My last trip to Rome, I spent the whole four days in a conference room by the airport. Might as well have been in French Lick, Indiana.

Christopher: Well, my trips are mostly local, just me and my Volvo.
Emily: You have a Volvo?
Richard: That's new, isn't it?
Christopher: I just got it.
Richard: Excellent choice. It's nice and safe. That's a good family car.
Lorelai: It's also excellent for cranking Metallica.
Richard: "Cranking Metallica"?
Lorelai: Mmm-hmm?
Richard: If that's some sort of drug reference, it isn't funny.

Emily: You know historical homes are infested with mold, don't you?
Lorelai: Mold?
Emily: It gets inside the walls and grows out of sight and shoots off spores that slowly kill you and your family.
Lorelai: You should get a show on the Home and Garden Channel, Mom.
Richard: When did you become an expert on mold, Emily?
Emily: It was in the New York Times Magazine. I'd hold off buying a place with this woman until you look into this.