Rory: [on the phone] So I guess you're still grounded over that whole Henry thing?
Lane: Are you kidding? The mother of all groundings. Mom's done everything but slap a Dr. Dre ankle bracelet on me. I'm not even going to school.
Rory: Isn't it illegal to keep a kid out of school?
Lane: Well, she talked my teachers into me being home-schooled for two weeks. I believe the words "highly contagious" were bandied about. I get five minutes a day of outside phone time, but unlimited time to call the Psalm-A-Day Line. A big rip-off because Psalm 79 has been on there for three days. That's not in keeping with what their name implies which is a new Psalm per day, every day, not the same tired one from the previous days.
Rory: I've never heard anyone get so riled up about psalms before.
Lane: My world has become very small.

Lane: [on the phone] Listen, I don't have much time. I've already used up my five minutes of phone time but I had to talk to you. There's a new Belle and Sebastian single coming out today.
Rory: I know.
Lane: I have to have it.
Rory: Okay. Well,
Lane: No, I have to have it.
Rory: I don't know if I have time to pick it up.
Lane: What? Rory, do you want to hear how I used up my phone time today? Talking to Amazon.com, trying to get them to overnight it to me in a plain package referencing something Korean and religious.
Rory: Wouldn't do it, huh?
Lane: I think they notified the government.
Rory: Can't you just wait for your grounding to be over?
Lane: Hey, I am a fanatic audiophile. And that comes with responsibilities that a grounding doesn't alter. I have to have this single and you have to figure out how to get it to me.

Lorelai: This morning has been Twilight Zone-y.
Luke: Or Outer Limits-y.
Lorelai: What?
Luke: Great show, just as eerie, same era but no one ever references it.
Lorelai: I'm sorry, I don't speak geek.

Paris: You're only doing 135 WPM.
Rory: WPM?
Paris: "Words per minute".
Rory: Of course.
Paris: That's slow.
Rory: That's not slow.
Paris: It's Jimmy Bob slow.
Rory: I talk normally.
Paris: For the average Willie Nelson roadie, yes, but not for a winning debate member. As a comparison, I speak an average of 178 WPM.
Rory: Word speed isn't everything. Sometimes, I will add a dramatic pause to prove a point, undercutting my WPM.
Paris: Let's not harbor any Pinteresque fantasies here, Rorie. We'll have scant minutes to argue and we have to maximize our collective WPM.

Emily: You always drove a motorcycle before, didn't you?
Christopher: I still got it.
Richard: Oh, a family man shouldn't ride a motorcycle. The accidents I covered for the firm involving motorcycles, the worst. Grisly. They use this industrial machine to scrape the victims off the road like a huge spatula.

Emily: Well, you never said where Rory is.
Richard: Rory's not here?
Emily: Richard, you didn't even notice your own granddaughter isn't here?
Richard: Well, she's so quiet. She sometimes slips in unnoticed. She should work for the CIA.

Lorelai: My question is, how did that happen? How was it that suddenly everyone was saying, 'music has charms to sooth the savage beast' when it was written 'breast'?
Rory: I don't know. Someone misspoke and it just caught on.
Lorelai: How do things like that catch on?
Rory: Mom, please, you're driving me crazy.
Lorelai: I mean, did some guy say it at a big rally of some sort and everyone started saying it that way and then it just it spread from there?
Rory: Yes, exactly.
Lorelai: Now you're just trying to shut me up.

Rory: Can we sit wherever we like?
Luke: Wherever you like.
Lorelai: Wow. Luxury I never dreamed of. Where do you want to sit?
Rory: I don't know.
Lorelai: How about this table with its unobstructed westward view of the wide cosmopolitan expanse of Clump Street?
Rory: Tempting. Do you know that on a clear day you can see the garbage cans behind Al's Pancake World?
Lorelai: Hmm. Or we could sit in the corner, you know, the mafia table so that no one can come up behind you and whack you with a cannoli.
Rory: Whack you with a cannoli? Oh, because he left the gun and took the cannoli.
Lorelai: You are so my daughter.

Lane: [on the phone] Okay, I'm dying for news. Give me some headlines.
Rory: Well, I've got a debate coming up and Dean's been working extra hours lately saving up for a new motorcycle, so I hardly see him. Mom and I haven't done laundry in three weeks but I've begun jumping into the huge pile of dirty clothes as we play our Reader's Digest World's Famous Polkas CD that we got used for 99 cents. Sorry if that's boring.
Lane: You kidding? That's the most stimulation I've got in a week.

Rory: Not the Two Fat Ladies again.
Lorelai: Why not? They're brilliant.
Rory: Because it's a cooking show and you don't cook.
Lorelai: That might change.
Rory: Not a chance.
Lorelai: Probably not.
Rory: Plus, we've seen all of them, like, five times. They're all repeats.
Lorelai: Yeah, sadly, because one of the fat ladies met her maker.
Rory: Really? Which one?
Lorelai: The fat one.
Rory: Come on. The one on the motorcycle or the one in the sidecar?
Lorelai: See? It's fun just talking about the two fat ladies.
Rory: Can't we find other really fat people to watch?
Lorelai: That sounded really insensitive.