Rory: Then we just watched TV.
Lorelai: Oh, you mean you "watched TV?" Use the air quotes, sweetie.
Rory: His little sister was there.
Lorelai: Oh. So you watched TV. Go on.

Rory: What are these?
Lorelai: These are resumes for your grandpa's new secretary.
Rory: There are, like, 100 of them.
Lorelai: Yes, well, the world is full of eager, young people waiting to have the life sucked out of them by Richard Gilmore.

Lorelai: Okay, I'm finished. What do you think of that?
Rory: If we were gazelles, we'd be eaten first at the watering hole.
Lorelai: Well, be thankful we're not gazelles. Now, go take your shower. You're starting to look like you're starring in an independent film. Hey, Dean knows you. He knows you wouldn't do anything to hurt him. So you're lucky. Just focus on that. Jess is gone. Now you guys can start over.
Rory: Okay.
Lorelai: And even though the box says it's safe I want you to keep your arm out of the microwave for at least a week.

Lorelai: Look what I found under your copper-ball- glued-to-the-wood thing.
Richard: No, it's brass. One of the firm's parting gifts as they nudged me into retirement.
Lorelai: So in addition to being heavy and ugly, it's also insulting.
Richard: Quite.

Richard: You know, It's suddenly becoming clear to me that I'm an old man. I don't recognize half the whatsits and doodads in here.
Lorelai: Well, Dad, here we have an assortment of magic sticks and when you press down on paper, writing comes out.
Richard: I know what pens are, Lorelai.
Lorelai: Good. Well, you pick out your favorites, and I'll try to figure out how to explain Liquid Paper to you. [Richard holds up two boxes] Oh, you're cute.
Richard: Well, I can't possibly use all of those.
Lorelai: You won't. You'll lose half of them. Then you'll be really happy to have the ones you have left. Now, paper.
Richard: All right. This ought to do nicely for now.
Lorelai: Are you going into business for two weeks? You're building an empire for crying out loud. Think big, Gilmore! Plus, if you get the box, it's cheaper.

Richard: Hey, how do you happen to know all of this?
Lorelai: It's how we do it at the inn. You have to spend money to make money, my friend. Little tip from me to you.
Richard: Good point. What else?
Lorelai: I strongly recommend a stapler.
Richard: Stapler.
Lorelai: Some extra staples.
Richard: Ah, I'm way ahead of you.
Lorelai: Good man.

Kirk: That's my home phone number, my pager number, my cell number and there's a partial list of references.
Sophie Bloom: Yeah, okay, I'll hang on to this, but as I said before, we just opened so I'm not really looking to hire anybody right now.
Kirk: I am licensed to carry a gun, if that will help.
Sophie Bloom: You have no idea how much.

Sophie Bloom: Can I help you?
Lane: [gasps] No, thank you, I was just looking.
Sophie Bloom: We like the looking. It's the touching we're a little iffy on.
Lane: Actually, I was just going- [gasps] That probably would have been construed as touching, huh?
Sophie Bloom: Yes.

Lane: Right. Oh, my.
Sophie Bloom: That's a DW drum set with Zildjian cymbals.
Lane: It's beautiful.
Sophie Bloom: You play?
Lane: Oh, no. I wish.
Sophie Bloom: Sit.
Lane: What?
Sophie Bloom: Sit down. See how it feels.
Lane: I couldn't.
Sophie Bloom: Why, your legs don't bend?
Lane: No, they bend.
Sophie Bloom: Okay, if they bend, then bend them.
Lane: Well, okay. [sits down] This is a good stool.
Sophie Bloom: Yes, it is. Here. You can't sit down at a drum set without your sticks.
Lane: Right, 'cause that would be stupid.
Sophie Bloom: Remember, no touching. [Lane "air drums"] You look good.
Lane: Thanks.

Rory: You know, there will be food there.
Lorelai: Finger food, a.k.a. "snooty little balls of attitude".
Rory: Oh, boy.
Lorelai: I need real food. Peasant food! Hearty bread, meat, cheese, little pickle chips, a sauce! A special sauce. This is the food that sustains me. This the food-
Rory: Oh, just eat the burger already!
Lorelai: Crabby!
Rory: I'm not crabby.
Lorelai: I didn't even get to finish my special sauce speech!