Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘Teach Me Tonight’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

Gilmore Girls: Teach Me Tonight

219. Teach Me Tonight

Aired April 30, 2002

Luke asks Rory to tutor Jess when he risks being kept back in high school. Meanwhile, Lorelai gets to decide which movie should play in the town square.

Quote from Lorelai

Lorelai: The Wizard of Oz.
Rory: The Sting.
Lorelai: Rocky.
Rory: Crimes and Misdemeanors.
Lorelai: The Singing Detective.
Rory: That was a miniseries.
Lorelai: So?
Rory: So, it's like six hours long.
Lorelai: Good point. Oh, I got it. Arthur.
Rory: Yes.
Lorelai: Or Sophie's Choice.
Rory: Very similar.
Lorelai: Oh, man. I can't choose. There's too many great movies. The burden is overwhelming. I'm sinking under the pressure. My grasp on reality is slipping. I can't do it, I just can't... [phone rings] Ooh, how about Cabin Boy?

Rate

Quote from Lorelai

Rory: Are you going to tell me what you two are fighting about?
Lorelai: We're not fighting.
Rory: Okay. Are you going to tell me what it is you're not fighting about that keeps you from talking to each other ever again?
Lorelai: How about Desperately Seeking Susan?
Rory: What about My Mother is Two?
Lorelai: Never saw it. Angie Dickinson?
Rory: You're impossible.
Lorelai: Right. You're Impossible was the one with Angie Dickinson.

Quote from Jess

Rory: I'm gonna be a journalist.
Jess: Paula Zahn?
Rory: Christiane Amanpour.
Jess: You're going to be an overseas correspondent?
Rory: Yes, I am.
Jess: You're gonna crawl around in trenches and stand on top of buildings and have bombs going off in the background and civil wars raging all around you?
Rory: What? You don't think I can do it?
Jess: No, I do. It just sounds a little too-
Rory: A little what?
Jess: Just sounds a little too rough for you.
Rory: Well, it's not a little too rough for me. I hope it's not a little too rough for me. I've been talking about this forever. I mean, I don't even know what I would do if-
Jess: Hey, I didn't mean to freak you out. I'm sorry. I'm sure you'll do it. You will. I promise. I'll help you practice, okay? Tomorrow, you'll stand in the middle of the street, and I'll drive at you screaming in a foreign language.
Rory: Well, you're gonna have to learn a foreign language first.

Quote from Lorelai

Lorelai: Hi, excuse me. My daughter's here. She was in a car accident. Her name is Rory Gilmore.
Nurse: Okay, just take a seat.
Lorelai: I don't want to take a seat.
Nurse: It'll be one minute.
Lorelai: Hey, do remember that scene in Terms of Endearment where Shirley MacLaine's in the hospital and freaks out because they won't give her daughter a shot? She got that from me and she toned it down a little. So once again, I'm looking for my daughter, Rory Gilmore.
Nurse: First door on your left.
Lorelai: Thank you.

Quote from Jess

Jess: I need a pencil.
Lane: I don't have one.
Jess: Then I need a pen.
Lane: You only have 15 minutes left.
Jess: Then I need the answers.
Lane: There's a pen in my bag.
Jess: I can't go through your bag.
Lane: Yes, you can.
Jess: My mother told me never to go through a lady's bag. At least not until you're a couple blocks away. Just kidding. She never said that. Though it sounds like pretty good advice, doesn't it?
Lane: Take it and shut up.
Jess: Boy, I tell you, it's true small towns sure are friendly.

Quote from Lorelai

Lorelai: If we take off Fletch and Urban Cowboy, we still have 75 possibilities.
Rory: How are we gonna pick just one?
Lorelai: I don't know. Maybe we should do, like, a movie marathon weekend. You know, just show one movie after the other for three days, charge everyone a fortune, gouge them on bottled water have really disgusting bathrooms. It'll be like our own Woodstock.

Quote from Lorelai

Taylor Doose: They put the movie title over here and a brief description of the storyline over here. And believe me, there are some excellent movies on that list. Really. Top notch.
Lorelai: Arctic Flight. "Man with plane flies charter to Alaska hired by bear hunter who turns out to be Russian spy. Love story develops with pilot and schoolteacher. Eskimos do tribal dance." You made this up.
Taylor Doose: Don't I wish! Okay, I can't wait to see what you come up with. Bye, girls.
Lorelai: Bye.
Rory: Killer Shark. "Shark fishermen on ocean. Mexican cantina with tequila and mariachi music. Has good scene of catching and cleaning shark."
Lorelai: Where Are Your Children?? "Hip music and singing about kids getting in trouble, sneaking booze into clubs, stealing car, fight between girls. Romance starts, then guy goes in the Navy."
Rory: Huh. Sudden Danger. "Mom dies of gas asphyxiation. Son blamed. Good kiss scene."
Lorelai: Suspense. "Ice skater falls in love with hired help." Well, at least now I know how Snow Dogs got made.

Quote from Lorelai

Lorelai: Hey, I have now finished going through every single one of these movies. I've read them, reviewed their merits and I'm proud to announce that I have chosen our movie. How does The Yearling sound to you?
Rory: Perfect.
Lorelai: And bye-bye. [knock on door] Well, that must be Pauline Kael rising from the dead.
Rory: Tell her, "Hey."

Quote from Lorelai

Lorelai: What are you doing here?
Luke: I made some brownies. I thought you might like some.
Lorelai: Well, since I just ate a half-bag of marshmallows, six Pop-Tarts, four bagel dogs and a really stale Cheese Nip... Yep, it's brownie time. Thanks.
Lorelai: Here's a question for you.
Luke: Yeah?
Lorelai: Well, you probably have a diner full of people who'd love these brownies. Plus, I bet they'd pay you for them.
Luke: Well, I accidentally dropped triple the amount of cocoa powder in the batter, so I either had to dump the batch or find someone with some sort of superhuman chocolate tolerance. Only one name came to mind.
Lorelai: God, I love being special.

Quote from Lorelai

Lorelai: I know Rory is a great student, but she's just a kid. Don't you need, like, a professional tutor to help Jess? You know, somebody with a degree, a pipe and one of those coats with elbow patches on it?

Page 2 
 Previous Episode Next Episode 
  View another episode