Lorelai: Rory, I was supposed to graduate from high school, go to Vassar, marry a Yale man, get myself a proper nickname like Babe or Bunny or Shitsu.
Rory: Yes.
Lorelai: Instead, I got pregnant. I didn't finish high school, I didn't marry your father, and I ended up in a career that apparently Jessica Hahn would think was beneath her.
Rory: That's not-
Lorelai: I humiliated them. The two proudest people in the world, and I humiliated them. I spoiled their plans. I took their fine upbringing in a world of comfort and opportunity, and I threw it in their faces. I broke their hearts, and they'll never forgive me. I guess I can't expect them to.
Rory: Maybe you're wrong about how they feel about all this. It was a long time ago.
Lorelai: Rory, I don't want them to go. It'll just hurt them, and me.

Rory: First, let me start by saying that Mom doesn't that know I'm here. She'd probably be mad if she knew that I was, but I feel this is important. As you know, Mom's been going to business school at the community college out here for three years now.
Emily: I believe she's mentioned it.
Rory: Well, she's doing very well and she's finishing up. Actually, she's graduating Thursday, and there's going to be a ceremony. And I think it would mean a lot to her if you guys were there. It may not seem like it would, but it's true.
Emily: Well, if it would mean so much to her, then why didn't she invite us herself?
Rory: 'Cause she didn't think you'd want to go. And I get that, but I think it's a mistake. I had a school thing once. And I wasn't sure if Mom would want to go, so I didn't invite her. It was my kindergarten Salute To Vegetables pageant and I was Broccoli and I did a tap dance with a guy that was playing Beets. And the entire number, I was just thinking, "Mom's not here." And it was my fault that she wasn't there. [sighs] Well, it was kind of a life lesson for me. Now, if the thought of going to Mom's graduation upsets you, or makes you unhappy, or uncomfortable in any way then please don't go. Because this is an important night for Mom and if you go, you should go under the right circumstances. Those are the tickets. It's Thursday, 7:00 p.m. It's indoors, so weather's not an issue. You can use them or not. No hard feelings. Do what you feel is best. And, if you don't mind, I would really appreciate it if you would keep this conversation between the three of us. That's all I have to say. Thanks very much for your patience. Now, I believe I have time for a scone before my bus leaves.
Emily: Beatrice, the tea, please.
Rory: Emily, these look delicious. So, Richard, how was your day today?

Lorelai: I hate these books. Hate them.
Rory: No, no.
Lorelai: See that? They're trying to escape. They hate me, too.
Rory: Your books don't hate you.
Lorelai: Rory, my brain is full. It has reached capacity. It's Shea Stadium when the Beatles played. It's cramped, girls are screaming, and I think George is fighting with Ringo.
Rory: You have a very active head.

Rory: You have to do it.
Lorelai: Really?
Rory: Yes. You've never been a part of an actual graduation ceremony.
Lorelai: I know. That's because my conservative high school wouldn't let me be in the ceremony and nurse you at the same time.
Rory: Don't be gross.

Michel: What is that?
Lorelai: Oh, it's pictures of Sookie's high school graduation. What was your high school graduation like, Michel?
Michel: It was dignified, as most French ceremonies are. Poetry was read, a string quartet played, a ballerina performed.
Lorelai: You drank some Boone's Farm out of a bota bag and knocked a beach ball around?
Michel: I don't understand half of what you say.
Lorelai: That's why we work.

Lane: I was wondering if it's okay to practice on your pots and pans again.
Lorelai: It's not like they have any other use.
Lane: Thanks. I've almost nailed the fill in "Ramble On". I just have to stop hitting my face with the sticks when I pull my arms back.
Rory: John Bonham had that same problem.

Lorelai: Thank God I'm graduating and it's the last time I cram like this. Because my pursuit of higher education has led me to an interesting discovery about myself. Do you wanna hear it?
Rory: Sure.
Lorelai: I despise academics.
Rory: Yep.
Lorelai: Learning, knowledge, it's all worthless. I have no idea what you see in it.
Rory: Learning is fun. Plus, for me, there's that I'm a minor, so it's mandatory thing.
Lorelai: That's what kills me. This is self-inflicted. I'm a masochist. I might as well be carrying a switch and periodically lacerating myself with it.
Rory: That diploma hanging on the wall is going to make this all worthwhile, trust me.
Lorelai: I guess. Unless I turn into John Nash and start drooling on people.

Dean: Okay, you go to a special shooting range.
Rory: A skeet shooting range.
Dean: Right. There's two of you, and the guy with the gun yells, "Pull." The other guy releases a clay pigeon from a machine into the air and so you try to shoot it.
Lorelai: No, I don't think we're missing anything.
Dean: Yeah, I knew it.
Rory: You shoot pigeons?
Dean: Clay pigeons.
Lorelai: When you hit them, does blood come out?
Dean: They're clay.
Rory: And why do you like to do this?
Dean: I don't know. My dad shot skeet when he was my age, and he wants to pass the tradition down.

Lorelai: What if you accidentally hit a real pigeon?
Rory: Yeah, does that count?
Dean: That's never happened.
Lorelai: What if a clay pigeon hits a real pigeon? Does that count?
Rory: Yeah, does that count?
Dean: I've only done this once.
Lorelai: Hey, if you get really good do you move on to other animals, like clay chickens and clay sheep?
Dean: You know what, we didn't go skeet shooting. I made it all up.

Emily: It's an English tea service. One of the advantages of our having an English maid. That, and the fact that she speaks English.
Rory: You didn't have to do this.
Emily: But it's teatime, and I wanted to- Oh, no. Beatrice, I told you to doily-line the plates.
Rory: You don't have to doily-line the plates.