Richard: Pork is bred leaner these days. It has a different taste. Less fat equals less flavor. Yet another example of the great advances man has made, flavorless pork. Hurrah for the opposable thumbs.
Lorelai: All right, enough talk about pork. Please, someone change the subject.

Lorelai: [laughs] And then the rabbit says, "How about that schnitzel!" Well?
Rory: Well what? There's no punchline.
Lorelai: That is the punchline.
Rory: "How about that schnitzel!" That's the punchline?
Lorelai: Well, no, not when you say it like that.
Rory: How am I supposed to say it?
Lorelai: Like a punchline.
Rory: How about that schnitzel!
Lorelai: Oh, forget it.

Michel: I'm sorry, did I hear you mention something about an auction?
Lorelai: My mother's women's group is having one next week.
Michel: Oh, well, you know. I love a good auction. The drama, the strategy.
Lorelai: The strategy?
Michel: Oh, yes. First, you mustn't be too eager because that drives the price way up.
Lorelai: Don't be too eager, got it.
Michel: And you must always be extremely careful of your paddle movements.
Lorelai: Well, that certainly calls for a "Dirty!"
Michel: How's your arm raise? Good?
Lorelai: Pretty good.
Michel: Ah, I have an excellent arm raise.
Lorelai: That's what it says on the bathroom wall.

Lorelai: Aw, wow, that was a good table.
Michel: It was a good table, not a great table.
Lorelai: We should've gone for it.
Michel: Too expensive and too many scratches.
Lorelai: We could've buffed the scratches out.
Michel: Look, if you want it that bad, it's quite obvious that the buyer's children will be selling it at his probate in the very near future.
Lorelai: You're awful.
Michel: And he's old, now be quiet.

Emily: I must say I was very impressed with the selection this year. I even wound up purchasing a couple of pieces for myself.
Richard: Yes, how nice to have yet another chair you can't sit in.
Emily: It's one hundred years old.
Richard: Wonderful. We can put it next to the two-hundred-year-old footstool you can't put your foot on.
Emily: Oh, Richard, please.
Richard: I'm only teasing, Emily. It is one of the great pleasures of my life to be able to surround you with a house full of useless objects. No, I'm never happier than when we're standing in the corner staring at our furniture.
Emily: Eat your pork, please.

Lorelai: This is cool.
Michel: Yes, it was a personal purchase.
Lorelai: I want it, what is it?
Michel: An eighteenth century bleeding bowl.
Lorelai: A bleeding bowl?
Michel: When doctors bled patients, the blood had to go somewhere, no?
Lorelai: Okay. Return lamp, pick up Rory, boil right hand.

Rory: What?
Lorelai: You ruined my joke.
Rory: No, the punchline ruined your joke.
Lorelai: Ha!
Rory: What?
Lorelai: You admit it's a punchline.
Rory: :Oh my God.
Lorelai: Ha, I am vindicated. "How about that schnitzel!" has officially been declared a punchline.
Rory: A really bad punchline.
Lorelai: No one asked for the Norton Critical Edition. All the schnitzel and I wanted was some recognition and now we have it.

Luke: Every weekend, the same stupid group comes in here and take up all my tables and every chair they can get their sticky hands on, and they do that. They sit, they stand, one person holds the kid, another person holds the kid.
Man: I've got Choo-Choo Joe.
Luke: This guy runs in and out and back and forth, the other guy never takes his head out of that stupid bag, the women can't figure out which kid is which, and they do it all morning long, and then order two iced teas to go, and that is it.
Lorelai: I'm sure you're exaggerating.
Luke: I am not exaggerating.

Luke: Is that woman doing what I think she's doing?
Lorelai: Well, I can't be a hundred percent sure, but... oh yeah, that's lunch.
Luke: Why, why do they do this? This is a public place, people are eating here.
Rory: They sure are.
Luke: This cannot be sanitary.
Lorelai: I agree. You don't know where that thing's been.
Luke: When did that become acceptable? In the old days, a woman would never consider doing that in public. They'd go find a barn or a cave or something. I mean, it's indecent. This is a diner not a peep show!
Lorelai: Hey, consider making it a combo. You could charge more for your cheeseburgers. Of course, no one would ever feel the same ordering a glass of milk again, but...

Luke: I have to do something. I just can't stand here and let the lactating continue.
Lorelai: Luke.
Rory: Gross!
Luke: I'm gross? I'm not the one exposing myself for the entire world to see. That's it. You go make her stop.
Lorelai: I'm not going over there.
Luke: Why not? You're a woman.
Lorelai: So what?
Luke: So you have the same parts.
Lorelai: What?
Luke: So you shouldn't be scared of it.
Lorelai: Scared of it? You know, you're gonna be a bachelor for a really long time.
Luke: I am being taken advantage of here, and I do not like being taken advantage of. I hate this!
Jess: [walks in] Oh, geez! [walks out]
Luke: Okay, well, that was kind of fun.