Lane: Wait, Zach, no, you don't understand. We can't play louder. See, my mom has this special antenna that can pick up non-Christian music being played within a football field's distance of our house, and she'd immediately come looking for me in order to shield me from the perversion.
Brian: If Zach's going, I'm going.
Lane: Wait, no, Brian, I'm not exaggerating. Once, a guy in our town named Kirk was practicing Bohemian Rhapsody with his band, the Kirk Gleason Five, and my mom shut them down so fast that the band fled without their instruments and never came back for them. To this day, Kirk can't listen to Queen without tearing up.

Lane: Oh, it was a fine collection, believe me.
Rory: She made you apply to every one?
Lane: And measured my head for a wimple.
Rory: Out of twenty-three schools, there wasn't one that you might want to go to?
Lane: It depends on what I'm looking for. Of course, all the great Seventh Day Adventist schools were represented, with their ban on dancing, gum chewing and bowling. Quaker College was a delightful surprise, with its special appeal to Richard Nixon, who's dead but still deeply involved in campus recruiting. Oh, and the piece de resistance! She found an Amish school in Nicaragua. Nicaragua! A big shout out to Mama Kim on that one!

Lane: Okay, thinking about something else, something else. Thinking about puppy dogs. Thinking about getting things in the mail. I love getting things in the mail, letters and packages.
Rory: Got a package.
Lane: What's that?
Rory: Oh, Jim Carrey says that in Ace Ventura.
Lane: Good distraction. Still thinking... thinking about world events, lots going on there. Thinking about the last movie I saw. Vin Diesel was in it. Thinking about Vin Diesel now. Thinking about where Vin Diesel got the name Vin Diesel. Thinking about Vin Diesel's mysterious ethnicity. Thinking about how surprising it is to have so much to think about with Vin Diesel. Who knew, who knew? Okay, now I'm just thinking about the pain, we're into pain here.
Rory: Back to Vin Diesel.
Lane: I've exhausted Vin Diesel, but the pain, that's not exhausted!

Lane: Hello, Stars Hollow, are you ready to rock?
Lorelai: Let me guess, band practice tonight?
Lane: Yes, we're going to learn our fourth song. That's practically a set.
Lorelai: Mmm. I'm impressed.
Lane: And then once we have a set, we'll get a gig, and then once we get a gig, we'll get a record deal.
Lorelai: Swallow.
Lane: And then after we get a record deal, we'll get really famous and then we'll have to give all of these interviews about how horrible it is to be really famous and how we never wanted this in the first place, all we care about is the music, and fame is gonna tear us apart. It's gonna be great!

Lorelai: And rehearsing in the music shop's been working out?
Lane: Perfectly. It's totally time efficient, being a thirty-second commute from my house. We practice for two hours, I'm home in time to watch reruns of Johnny Yune's talk show on Korean television with my mom, who thinks I hooked up with you guys – which I did, so I'm not even lying.
Lorelai: Well, you're kinda lying.
Lane: I'm fibbing, but a fib is not a lie.
Lorelai: I'd say it's a fib-slash-lie.
Lane: No, no, it's not a lie, and I can always tell ‘cause of the few times that I've out and out lied to my mother, I'd get this feeling in my gut like a wild animal was burrowing into it, and I'm not getting that.
Lorelai: Wild animals burrowing into my stomach – another one of my premonitions.
Rory: Pretty spooky.
Lane: I've gotta go. I'm single-handedly improving the reputation of drummers everywhere by being on time for every rehearsal. Thanks for the food.

Dave: You can't leave the band. That's not what anybody wants, especially me. Lane, listen to me, okay – you're perfect for us, it's working.
Lane: So I have to figure out a way to rehearse in Hartford two or three nights a week.
Dave: Yeah, that's not so tough.
Lane: No, it's not so tough. And maybe at the same time I'll attempt to master quantum physics, and throw Sanskrit in there, too.
Dave: Do your best. Not with the Sanskrit thing, that's pretty worthless – but with the band.
Lane: I'll try.
Dave: There's no way you're gonna become our Pete Best. There's no way.

Rory: [on the phone] Plus, you have no car to transport your drums anywhere as of yet.
Lane: Or a driver's license.
Rory: Or any drums because you're borrowing them from the shop.
Lane: Temporarily until I can buy my own set... with money that I don't know where I'm gonna get.
Rory: Yup, you're right, that's more than a pickle.
Lane: You're making light – now stop and focus. And turn down the Cornershop, it's distracting.
Rory: No, your Coltrane is distracting, turn that down.
Lane: Hey, I'm in angst here and Coltrane speaks to my soul. I can't turn it down.
Rory: Fine, in deference to your soul, I'll turn mine down.

Michel: Your speech for that class?
Lorelai: Just some talking points.
Michel: And this speech is about your success in business, yes?
Lorelai: Pretty much.
Michel: You must be very fortunate to live in this tiny town where people make very little money. It elevates you by comparison. I wonder who their last speaker was the fellow in short pants that walks up and down the square with a metal detector?
Lorelai: I wouldn't know.
Michel: And if they find someone who drives a car that is less than eight years old, what will they do, crown him king of successful people?
Lorelai: Unless it's a woman, and then they'll crown her queen.

Rory: Lane, think about this for a second, at least.
Lane: Rory, I've been thinking about this my whole life. Nothing's gonna change unless I change it, and now's the time. I need to make a clear statement, one I can't go back on or chicken out on, one that everyone can see. And this is my instrument, it says "This is me, this is Lane Kim."
Rory: That is you, it's black hair dye.
Lane: This is merely a prop until we find my true color. Now, what do you think? Pink? Or is that too Pink the singer and Kelly Osbourne and Gwen Stefani... man, there's a lot of cheese associated with the color pink. Okay, pink's out. There... there's blue. What about blue?
Rory: Blue's probably not right for your skin tone, and I agree with you about pink. What about purple?
Lane: Yes, purple, you're brilliant.

Rory: We should open a window, shouldn't we?
Lane: It's freezing outside.
Rory: Yeah, but the bleach is gonna stink up the whole house.
Lane: Let it. Let it be the first clue that something's happened for when my mom gets home. Let the thick smell of bleach meet her at the doorway like a force that'll usher her into the next chapter of Lane Kim's life. The smell of bleach is the smell of freedom!
Rory: You're very dramatic today.