Lorelai: Aw, is it your nap time?
Michel: The Tylers in twelve asked to have their toxic pillows removed.
Lorelai: Our pillows aren't toxic.
Michel: According to the complimentary travel magazine that we put in their room, down pillows can carry airborne diseases and mold.
Lorelai: Unbelievable. I didn't think anyone ever read those magazines.
Michel: I think she had to, there was a picture of a roast chicken on the cover.
Lorelai: Michel.
Michel: She is large.
Lorelai: Michel.
Michel: And her husband in ugly.
Lorelai: Michel.
Michel: They threw pillows at me!

Lorelai: [answers phone] Independence inn.
Emily: You really should identify yourself when you answer the phone at work.
Lorelai: Sorry. Independence Inn, major disappointment speaking. Better?
Emily: Yes, thank you.

Michel: Stop playing coy with me. I want into that auction, you name your price.
Lorelai: Okay, you have to work weekends for the rest of this month.
Michel: Done.
Lorelai: And you have to answer the phone when it rings.
Michel: Done.
Lorelai: And you have to answer it in English, unless the person is actually foreign.
Michel: Done.
Lorelai: And you have to oversee the nature hikers next week.
Michel: No.
Lorelai: Michel, if you wanna go to this auction, you have to be in the lobby at six o'clock Friday morning. You have to hand out towels and water bottles, you have to show them the hiking trails, and you have to let them give you a nature name.
Michel: Fine, I will let them give me a nature name.
Lorelai: All right, then, you can come.
Michel: Thank you.
Lorelai: Buttercup.
Michel: You cannot give them suggestions!

Rory: I can't believe you got into a fight with Pete.
Lorelai: Hey, you do not suddenly decide that garlic is an extra topping, not after five years, not after all we've been through. We single-handedly helped Pete pay for that new delivery truck of his, and I thought he needed to be reminded of that fact.
Rory: Very loudly.
Lorelai: Not that loudly.
Rory: Dogs started barking.
Lorelai: Because they heard about the garlic incident, and no one likes getting screwed, Rory, not even a Schnauzer. Pete's a swindler. He takes advantage of single mothers and their innocent children and for that, he must pay.

Rory: Where have you been?
Lorelai: Get in the house.
Rory: I thought you were gonna go get the mail.
Lorelai: Go, go, go!
Rory: What are you doing?
Lorelai: Don't look around, stare straight ahead, no more talking to people ever!
Rory: Mom!

Lorelai: Wow, lots of garbage at these things.
Michel: Always. You've got to be patient and wait for what you want to appear, then pounce.
Lorelai: True at an auction, true at a singles bar.
Michel: To put it crudely, yes.

Emily: Didn't you see me waving at you before?
Lorelai: Yeah.
Emily: You didn't wave back.
Lorelai: It's dangerous to wave at an auction. You didn't see before, but when you waved you bought a motorcycle and a sidecar.
Emily: I did not.
Lorelai: Circa 1912. Now would you drive it or would you sit in the sidecar?

Lorelai: [on the phone] Hi, yes, I was at your auction yesterday and I was wondering if you could help me.
I met a man there and I would like to contact him but I didn't get his name and I wondered if you could look it up for me. He was paddle number seventeen, and... Oh right, confidential, got it... Well, you know, actually, I misspoke earlier because this isn't a complete stranger I'm trying to contact here, he's an old friend from school... Good question. Well, I don't know his name because I only knew him by his nickname... Shamu. We called him Shamu. He was kind of a big guy in high school, but he's slimmed down quite a bit... No, see, I don't have time to contact the high school alumni committee because time is of the essence... See, Shamu and I went to a liquor store after the auction and we bought a lottery ticket together and we tore it and I took half and he took half, and I'll be damned if the thing didn't win! Fourteen million dollars! Really, but see, we have to claim it by four p.m. today or we forfeit... Ah, yes... Oh, well, but there's one more thing that I forgot to tell you. See... my blood type is o-negative and he's o-negative and I have a medical condition that... All right, then. Well, thank you anyway. Bye. [hangs up]

Rory: So...
Lorelai: Yes?
Rory: You ran into your old friend Shamu?
Lorelai: Uh-huh.
Rory: And you won millions of dollars?
Lorelai: Yup.
Rory: And you need a transfusion?
Lorelai: I'm just trying to get the name of a really cool guy I met at this auction, but they won't give it to me.
Rory: Wow, that's a lot of effort. Must've been cute.
Lorelai: And witty. You don't meet that everyday.

Rory: You want me to ask Grandma for the name of a man that I didn't meet at a function that I didn't attend?
Lorelai: I'll share my lottery winnings with you.
Rory: It's ridiculously transparent.
Lorelai: Fourteen million dollars.
Rory: But you're sharing half with him and taxes will take a huge chunk, and oh yeah, you didn't win the lottery. Ask her yourself.