Rory: Fine, what's the project?
Lorelai: This is a pile of every catalog we have received for the last three months. I have gathered them all together, and I will now proceed to call all the companies that are sending us duplicates and tell them to stop.
Rory: That's very environmental of you.
Lorelai: It's getting ridiculous. We get, like, eight of some of these.
Rory: You're kidding.
Lorelai: Check this out. This is a stack of identical catalogs mailed to Lorelai Gilmore, Rory Gilmore, Lorelai Rory Gilmore, Lorelai V. Gilmore, Lorelai Victoria Gilmore, Lorelai Gilmo, Lorelai Gil, and Squeegy Beckinheim.
Rory: How'd that get in there?
Lorelai: I once told a store my name was Squeegy Beckinheim just to see how many catalogs they would sell my name to, and apparently my name is to catalog companies what Brooke Shields' picture is to Chinese restaurants.

Sherry: My Cesarean. I scheduled it months ago. Didn't you schedule yours?
Lorelai: Not quite. A half hour before I had Rory, I was eating a pepper sandwich and watching TV. You were almost named Quincy.
Rory: Thanks for refraining.

Lorelai: Wow, you beat me home by two minutes and your nose is already in the books.
Rory: I can go from zero to studying in less than sixty seconds.
Lorelai: Very impressive.

Luke: What can I get you, Kirk?
Kirk: Patty melt and a coke.
Luke: You want the melt cut into squares or stars today?
Kirk: Half and half?
Luke: Okay, coming right up.

Kirk: Man, that car's a honey. Duel piston cams, diplex overdrive with maximum torque, sixteen liter side by side, firing three on one... sweet.
Luke: Kirk, none of that makes any sense.
Kirk: What?
Luke: I know a little about cars, that was all gibberish.
Kirk: Oh, well, would you mind not telling people about this? I've cultivated a reputation as sort of a car aficionado and in reality, all I have is a Jan and Dean record.
Luke: I'll keep it to myself.
Kirk: I should probably listen to it again.
Luke: Yeah, I would.
Kirk: Man, I wish my mom would let me have a car... or a bike... or my roller skates back.

Lane: Well, a new mother can't have too many baby blankets. Not with the insane amount of stuff constantly oozing out of a baby's every orifice.
Rory: Ew.
Lane: I just call it like I see it.
Rory: Well, call it less graphically.
Lane: The very concept of childbirth is vaguely disturbing.
Rory: Yeah. Kids are cool and all, but getting there seems like a big cosmic joke.
Lane: Definitely thought up by a man.
Rory: My mom said that when she told me where babies come from.
Lane: My mom still hasn't told me.
Rory: Really?
Lane: When my cousin got pregnant, she said it's because an angel brushed its wings against her face.
Rory: I could fill you in on the details sometime if you want.
Lane: No thanks, I've picked it up off the streets.

Lorelai: This must be the place.
Rory: I think the balloons confirm it.
Lorelai: No pink, no blue.
Rory: All green.
Lorelai: Aren't baby shower balloons supposed to reflect the sex of the baby? Blue for boys, pink for girls.
Rory: You would think.
Lorelai: What's green for, aliens?
Rory: I'll ask when I go in.

Rory: Someone woke up in project mode today.
Lorelai: I'm like the army, baby. I get more done before nine o'clock in the morning than others get done all day.
Rory: As long as you don't abandon it mid-project.
Lorelai: I do not do that.
Rory: Make your own seashell candles.
Lorelai: Not fair.
Rory: The place smelled like melted crayons for three weeks.
Lorelai: This is different.

Rory: This one is addressed to Tookie Clothespin.
Lorelai: Oh, I forgot my code name at the second store I tested, so I told 'em it was Tookie Clothespin.
Rory: Which means we get even more catalogs.
Lorelai: Again, it was unintentional.
Rory: When you start a forest fire unintentionally, it's still your fault.
Lorelai: You're putting calling myself Squeegy Beckinheim and Tookie Clothespin on a level with starting a forest fire?
Rory: It's killing trees.
Lorelai: You're depressing me now.

Andrew: I'd rather have bird crap fall on my head.
Lorelai: There it is. Our new town slogan.
Rory: I like it.
Lorelai: I see coffee mugs, T-shirts.
Rory: Don't forget stuffed shish-kabobbed birds.
Lorelai: That moan when you squeeze 'em.