Lorelai: Oh, hey, Kirk. Do you know anything about Luke's dark day?
Kirk: Everyone knows about Luke's dark day.
Lorelai: Do you know what it is?
Kirk: Not the details, just that he has it once a year. I think it goes back a long, long time.
Lorelai: Yeah?
Kirk: Sure, I mean, Luke's always had a touch of darkness in him. I guess we all do, but Luke's a little more touched than some. He's kind of grabbed, actually.
Lorelai: What do you think it's about?
Kirk: When I was in seventh grade, Luke knocked the books out of my hands.
Lorelai: Because of his dark day?
Kirk: No, everyone knocked my books out of my hands. I was kind of a target. I used to wear a cape to school.

Lorelai: And here we have the world famous Luke's diner, home of the best coffee on the east coast and the most delightful and chatty proprietor since Mel kissed Flo's grits. Okay, well, I should get back to the inn. I hope you've enjoyed your tour and don't forget to buy yourself a souvenir plastic monkey on the way out.

Paris: How do I look?
Rory: Where are you going?
Paris: I'm putting myself out there, Rory.
Rory: Now?
Paris: Yes now.
Rory: It's eleven o'clock at night, who are you hoping to hook up with now, Spike and Drusilla?

Lorelai: God, this is a lot of junk.
Sookie: I know. I mean, who has three Thigh Masters, besides Suzanne Somers?

Lorelai: I just couldn't let her get rid of his dad's boat. What if we hang the Thigh Masters on it?
Sookie: Or get more trees.
Lorelai: Yeah, or get more trees.
Sookie: Jackson's got some trees at home.
Lorelai: Think I could borrow them?
Sookie: Sure. We'll just wait 'till he lies down for his nap and sneak them right out of there.
Lorelai: Great. Then I'll hop a fence and get Richard Widmark to sign my grapefruit.

Rory: I have no words-
Logan: It was just a joke!
Rory: Oh, no, wait. I thought of some. Jerk, ass, arrogant, inconsiderate, mindless, frat-boy, low-life, butt-faced miscreant!
Logan: "Butt-faced miscreant"?
Rory: Why would you do something like that?
Logan: I'm sorry, "butt-faced miscreant"?

Lorelai: Oh my God, are you okay?
Luke: I smashed my leg on a Thigh Master.
Lorelai: I'm so sorry.
Luke: And then I tripped and smashed my other leg on another Thigh Master.
Lorelai: I'm sorry.
Luke: Why the hell do you have so many Thigh Masters?
Lorelai: I have a really bad thigh complex.

Richard: I heard that you professed your feelings for Rory.
Logan: What...?
Richard: Mr. Bell is a very dear friend of mine, as is the dean of admissions. Well, you know in this place, news travels fast.
Logan: Yeah, look-
Richard: I have to tell you that, while I understand what could have driven you to such a public display of affection, there is an appropriate time and place for that sort of thing. And a classroom in the middle of class is not one of them.
Logan: No, I know, I-
Richard: However, what's done is done. It's out. So I dropped by to tell you that I have spoken to your father.
Logan: My father?
Richard: We pounded out a few things. Property agreements, pre-nups, that sort of thing.
Logan: Okay, I think that there's been-
Richard: Oh, we came to a very fair agreement. I'm sure you'll be pleased. Now, we're setting up a dinner for next week to finalize the engagement and start talking about the ceremony. Emily is handling all the newspaper announcements, so, not to worry. That's all taken care of.
Logan: But-
Richard: She is a fine young lady, Logan. I want her to be happy. You'll take care of that, I assume. All right, I'll let you get back to your coffee break. Nice seeing all of you again. And Logan, welcome to the family, son.

Miss Patty: Goodness, what's left to wear on your feet?
Lorelai: I know, it's a sickness. Everyone thinks it started with Bradshaw but actually it came over on the Mayflower.
Miss Patty: Oh, well, what a wonderful history lesson.
Lorelai: Any time.

Miss Patty: No, honey, the party's on Tuesday, the 30th.
Lorelai: So?
Miss Patty: So, the 30th is the "dark day".
Lorelai: What dark day?
Miss Patty: Luke's "dark day". The day that he disappears.
Lorelai: Disappears? Where?
Miss Patty: Nobody knows. Nobody knows where he goes or what he does, all we know is not to try and find him.
Lorelai: Why didn't I know about this?
Miss Patty: I don't know, honey, everyone else does.