Rory: Are you skimping?
Lorelai: What?
Rory: Cutting back on things, cable, eating out, the bread, the cheese, the tomato.
Lorelai: Okay, hey, if you're going to try me in a court of law, the bread, the tomato and I will need to hire a lawyer.
Rory: There's no takeout in the fridge, no takeout containers in the trash.
Lorelai: You're going through the trash?
Rory: And I'm not seeing the stacks of magazines lying around. We always subscribe to everything.
Lorelai: Yes, we do. I've read them all, they're in recycle bin, you can go check.
Rory: It even seems a little darker in here, like you're using a lower watt bulb, or something.
Lorelai: Oh my God, you're reading into everything.
Rory: You're not having money problems?
Lorelai: No. I mean, I'm not going to be on the Fortune 500 list anytime soon, but I'm fine.

Rory: [answers phone] Hello?
Lorelai: There are no empty tables at Luke's.
Rory: And I can do what about that?
Lorelai: Well, I was hoping you'd develop mind control powers since I last saw you and you could will people to leave.
Rory: No. If I could do that, I'd be using it to play the ponies or something. Your table would be low on the list.
Lorelai: Selfish.

Lorelai: Kirk, may I?
Kirk: May you what?
Lorelai: Sit with you?
Kirk: Here?
Lorelai: Yes.
Kirk: I have a girlfriend.
Lorelai: I'm not flirting with you Kirk.
Kirk: Oh. Then, have a seat.
Lorelai: Thanks. I love that shirt.
Kirk: It's an Arnold Palmer.
Lorelai: That was flirting.
Kirk: Oh, man.

Lorelai: [on the phone] Was she at the professor's again last night?
Rory: Yes, but she claims she was up all night cramming.
Lorelai: Well, she was.
Rory: Oh, ick!
Paris: Ick what? Are you talking about me? Who is that?
Rory: It's my mom. We're not talking about you. You're so paranoid.

Luke: I swear, it feels like these stupid Firelight Festivals happen every week.
Lorelai: And a happy, happy to you too.
Luke: Order please.
Lorelai: Coffee and whatever muffin you have.
Luke: Comin' up. You two an item now?
Kirk: I have a girlfriend.
Luke: Double dipping, you dog.

Lorelai: What happened to taking the morning off?
Jason: I have the morning off. Japan does not have the morning off. Here. Care to join me?
Lorelai: With all those Japanese business men in the car? Kinky.
Mr. Watanabe: [on carphone] Kinky? I'm sorry, what is kinky?
Jason: You don't have to translate that, Mr. Watanabe.

Liz: I thought you'd be better for him that I was.
Luke: Oh yeah, I was great for him. I gave him a place to crash while he lied to me about everything, about going to school, about Wal-Mart... You know I stole his car?
Liz: You what?
Luke: In the middle of the night. I break into his car. I'm stealing it and hiding it in Dad's old garage.
Liz: Why?
Luke: Why? Because I'm crazy. Because I think now he'll have to go to school, now he'll have to graduate, now... Well, we saw how that all turned out, he went to live with the bum who abandoned him, that's how great a job I did.

Jason: [on the phone] Wait, wait, wait, wait the tracking says its in Atlanta. What is it doing in Atlanta?
Lorelai: Who is this country that speaks English?
Jason: It's America.
Lorelai: Everyday she learns something new.
Jason: Okay, Dennis, it is time to get proactive on this.
Lorelai: This is when mild mannered Jason Stiles suddenly darted into a phone booth and ripped off his shirt and became Proactive Man.
Jason: What? I'm sorry I didn't get that last part.
Lorelai: Able to be proactive where ever there is activity of a pro nature.
Jason: Dennis, just do this. A messenger is coming in an hour to pick up the box with the checks-
Lorelai: The box with the checks in the drawer by the floor. The vessel with the pestle holds the brew that is true.
Jason: I'm sorry, I'm kind of distracted.
Lorelai: Get off the phone!

Jason: Hey, wait, wait a minute. If I can't be on the phone then you cannot be on the phone.
Lorelai: [answers phone] Hello?
Emily: Lorelai, its me.
Jason: Lorelai Gilmore's a hypocrite!
Lorelai: Hello, Emily!
Emily: Why are you calling me Emily?
Lorelai: 'Cause that's your name, ask me again and I tell you the same.

Paris: You can just call him Asher.
Rory: No, he's my teacher, so I think I'll stick with professor.
Paris: Professor just makes him sound old.
Rory: He is old!
Paris: He's sixty. Today's sixty is what fifty was twenty years ago and he's got the body of a forty year old.
Rory: I really don't want to talk about his body.
Paris: I'm not denying that we've got a May - December romance going on here.
Rory: This is not May-December, this is May - Ming Dynasty.
Paris: An age difference like this is very common. People dating people the same age are passe now.