Paris: Going somewhere?
Rory: Home for the weekend.
Paris: Just to get away from me?
Rory: No, I've got dinner at my grandma's tonight - obligatory thing - and our town's having its Firelight Festival tomorrow which I haven't missed since I was one, so not seeing you is, well, quite frankly just a fringe benefit.

Rory: Hey, where's Grandpa tonight?
Emily: He's in Manhattan having dinner with clients. He just called. They're at some restaurant near Times Square. He said that Times Square just keeps getting cleaner and cleaner. They didn't stumble upon one prostitute the whole night.
Lorelai: Oh, yeah. I heard the Disney Company had them all killed.

Emily: I just find that boy so irritating. He's always trying to get in good with me. Complimenting me, agreeing with me. He's absolutely prostrating himself at my feet. It's so weak.
Lorelai: Well you're a formidable opponent, Mom. They don't call you the Idi Amin of the DAR for nothing.

Luke: Well, look who's back.
Jess: I'm only here to retrieve my property.
Luke: You've got a lot of nerve.
Jess: You've got a lot of nerve.
Luke: How so?
Jess: You stole my car. Coop should have arrested you, why didn't he arrest you?
Luke: Free donuts.
Jess: Beautiful.

Luke: So you got anything you wanna say?
Jess: You could have washed it once in a while?
Luke: Okay fine, the car is yours, our business here is done, hasta la vista, have a nice life.
Jess: Our business here is not done. My car is wrecked because of you.
Luke: Oh, yeah?
Jess: Three of the tires are leaking, its got no oil, the floats in the carburetor are probably cracked so it's back-firing like mad, I mean, people were ducking when I was driving by. Then it stalled and wouldn't start.
Luke: Well, you can find Mr. Goodwrench in the Yellow Pages, I think it's under M or is it G? I can never tell with those kinds of things.

Luke: So, what are you doing back East, buddy? Still searching?
Jess: Been traveling.
Luke: Well, thanks for all the swell cards and letters you sent while you were away.
Jess: You kicked me out, what were you expecting, a candygram?
Luke: I didn't kick you out, you got yourself kicked out.
Jess: Nice spin, you should work for Bush.

Luke: So what did you get out of this Kerouac trip of yours? You write the great American novel or something? You learn how to play the harmonica?
Jess: What do you care, you're not my guardian anymore.
Luke: And I bless every day that I'm not.
Jess: Well, when you're not good at something, it's best to cut and run.
Luke: Aww, I'm sorry I tried to give you a decent life, Jess. I'm sorry I didn't think driving a fork-lift for the rest of your life was good enough for you.
Jess: Oh that is condescending, isn't it? I thought you were a friend of the working man.

Jason: [on the phone] Lorelai, we've got to do it. Well, the timing has to be right It's going to be awkward no matter when you do it.
Lorelai: Not if they're both unconscious.
Jason: Yeah, but then you're going to be dealing with why both your parents are unconscious, and doctors consultations, and phoning friends and relatives... the timing is bad there too.